Simplifying… me

Two years ago today my grandmother passed away. She was 81 years old. Nanny had shared sixty beautiful years with my grandfather, left behind a son, two granddaughters and three great-grandchildren. Her legacy was one of strength, self-sacrifice and trust in God. She had weathered the Great Depression as a child, went to work during World War II, took in my grandfather’s siblings when their mother passed away, raised her family while working full time and remained devoted to my grandfather through sickness, health, feast and famine. Still, as I sat through her funeral I couldn’t help but feel that Nanny had left us way too soon. I don’t think I would ever have been ready to let my grandmother go – there’s never a good time to say goodbye.

Today I received word that a friend of mine from high school had to say goodbye to his eight month old baby girl two days ago…on Father’s Day. I have read his blog to catch up on this saga, and I find myself sharing in this family’s grief. Oh God, how could this be? This precious baby girl, who only had eight months to share with her family, is now in the arms of her Heavenly Father. I can not even imagine the sorrow, the questions…the premature goodbye. I know that God is with them – I hear the strength in the words they write. I also know this is only the beginning of a long road through the grief and the pain.

I struggle as I write this, my mind swirling with thoughts of my friend and his family. I look at my own little brood and a flood of emotion washes over me. I want to scoop each one of my children up and squeeze them tight – how grateful I am for their health, their energy, their smiles, their cries, from the hair on their heads to their wiggly little toes…every detail. While I’m dealing with temper tantrums and sibling rivalry, my friend is dealing with the pain of never again hearing the sound of his little girl’s cry. The perspective is convicting. We may not have much – our house may be too small, our bank account sadly deficient and holding on to our sanity may be the only thing we accomplish on any given day. However, I am so thankful for all of it. I’m thankful that my home is filled with the sounds of children laughing and crying, jumping and running. This perspective, while convicting, brings me to a fresh awareness of how blessed I am. Not blessed because of any external or material thing, but I am blessed in the little things. And for these blessings, I am truly grateful.

Thinking back to my grandmother, I recall all of the experiences I was able to share with her, the conversations we had, the Christmases, the stories. Even if I think my time with her was too short, saying goodbye was filled with hundreds of memories that I can hold on to for the rest of my life. While I wasn’t prepared to say goodbye to Nanny, it was not premature. God knows how many years, days and months we will live on this earth. “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be,” Psalm 139:16. Whether we get to live eighty years, or life ends at eight months, God has ordained each one of those days. It is more difficult to understand the purpose of only eight months, but somehow God’s plan will unfold in time. In this moment I see this baby’s departure as a premature goodbye, but as time goes on I am certain God will prove me wrong. He will reveal a purpose beyond what I, or her family, could possibly comprehend.

My heartfelt prayers go out to my friend, his wife and their families today. I realize nothing I say will ease the pain of their loss. I know that God is with them. He will guide them through the grief, be a listening ear in the wee hours of the night when the pain seems most intense and hold them tightly in His grasp when they feel they are falling apart. Like I said at the beginning, there’s never a good time to say goodbye, however I would imagine a premature goodbye would be the most difficult one to say.

In conclusion: I will keep praying for my friend. And as I pray for this family, I will continue thanking God for each moment, day and year that I am so blessed to share with my own family. For God has ordained each one of our days, and I want to cherish each one, no matter how few or how many we get to experience together.

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