Simplifying… me

 There is a Christian code of conduct, so to speak, that is laid out pretty clearly in the book of Deuteronomy – the Ten Commandments, to be specific.  It is not difficult to discern the kind of behavior God desires from us.  He plainly articulates His will in these ten mandates. 

 

But what about the gray issues; those questions of life that seem to fall into the category of “mysterious”?  The mysterious will of God.  Too often, in my own personal experience, there are situations, life circumstances, and challenges that go far beyond honoring my father and mother and keeping the Sabbath day holy.  They are those defining moments when I don’t know what to do, or what God is doing, and what it is He wants from me.  I’m faced with a choice, and I feel lost, uncertain, and afraid of making a bad decision.  Sometimes it comes in the form of watching my husband go through a difficult season, and as much as I pray and seek God for a wise word to share, my mind goes blank and the insight just isn’t there.  Most times I find myself waiting in silence for the fulfillment of a deep longing, and the wait feels like a lifetime.  I start wondering, which eventually turns to panic, if I’ve messed up somewhere along the way.  Did I disappoint God?  Did my opportunity pass me by?  Have I missed His plan and will?  Why is He being so quiet?  Why won’t He speak up?  I feel completely unsettled when I sense that God is far from me and His will mysterious to me.

 

It is in that mystery, however, that God is doing His greatest work.  As challenging the situation may be, and often times emotionally draining, I take great comfort in that God sees everything.  Every detail, every tear, every moment spent second guessing every choice I’ve ever made are all seen and remembered by God.  And when the way doesn’t seem clear or God’s answer is momentarily withheld, the best thing to do is wait. 

 

On one of my long trips back to Kenya, I ended up with a thirteen-hour layover in Zurich, Switzerland.  I was twenty-years-old, had just survived the first semester of my sophomore year of college (barely), and was heading home to be with my parents.  My dad was what one might consider an overly protective father and had given me strict instructions to NOT leave the airport, under any circumstances.  I did exactly what he told me to do and spent thirteen long hours cooped up in the tiny international terminal (I realize this might have been a much more fascinating story had I actually left the airport, but unfortunately for me and you, I stayed put).

 

The wait can only be described as hell (pardon my “French”).  Seriously though, I was miserable, especially considering that I had just been on an airplane for eight hours flying from Chicago.  I was tired, smelly, and coming down with some kind of bug that made food unappealing to me.  This was “back in the day” before portable DVD players, iPods, notebook computers, e-mail, facebook, etc.  This was the early nineties, and there wasn’t much for a poor college girl to do for thirteen hours besides read and people watch.  So, I read a little and people watched a lot.

 

I was about six hours into the layover when two Nigerian men approached me.  They sat down next to me and struck up a conversation about traveling.  They were very interested in where I had flown from and where I was headed.  Being somewhat naïve, I chatted with them for a good length of time – mostly, I think, out of extreme boredom and that it was such a reprieve to have someone to talk to whose English I could understand.  After we had discussed the beauty and wonders of Africa, they finally got down to business.  They needed me to do them a favor:  to pose as the wife of one of them so that they could leave the airport.  It seemed a little odd to me, but unless part of their “party” remained in the airport, they were not permitted to leave.  Thus, they needed me to play the part of “wifey” so that the officials would let them exit for a period of time.  The more they disclosed to me, the more I realized they were up to something that was likely to be illegal.  I had the good sense to decline these gentlemen’s proposal and send them on their way.  As much as I have always dreamed about being a secret agent super-spy, I value my freedom more and figured all that adventure was not worth spending time in a Zurich prison cell.

 

And so, my long wait continued. 

 

Sometimes when God has me in a period of waiting it would be so tempting to jump the gun and seize the first opportunity for reprieve that comes my way.  I get desperate to see the delay come to an end.  Yet, in my haste I could do much more damage than if I had left it alone- just like my experience in the Zurich airport.  In order to ease my boredom and make the layover go faster, I could have accepted the offer those men gave me.  The end result, though, would have been disastrous.  In the same way, when I’ve reacted to God’s silence with panic, and thus tried to fix a situation, my “happily ever after” left me heartbroken.  I was too impatient and too immature to realize that part of God’s plan and will was for me to simply wait.

 

The wait is God’s will.  It’s not punishment or a sign that I have somehow missed God’s perfect plan for my life.  It is part of the plan.  The fulfillment of my destiny is in the wait.  Without it, I would be incomplete.  And it’s not so much the waiting as it is realizing that God is not upset with me.  He is waiting right alongside me.  He is in the wait.  He is orchestrating time and space for the moment when He will reveal the answer to my question, the next step in the journey, the direction for my life, and the fulfillment of my heart’s desire.  It is no mystery, even though so often God is very mysterious to me. 

 

Isaiah 40:31 (KJV)

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

 

Beth Moore points out poignantly:

“Our strength will be depleted when we wait on the event, or final outcome.  But our strength will be renewed when we wait on God.” (Paraphrased.)

 

God sees me, and God sees you.  He sees the challenges we are facing.  He sees the pain we are feeling.  He is “El Roi”, the “strong one who sees”.   And this El Roi, the strong God who sees everything, every detail, every tear and every fear, is the same God who is with us in the wait, ready to pour His strength into our lives.  As we wait on Him, He renews our strength by pouring His strength into us.  He sees our heart’s desires.  He sees the hopes deferred and stands ready to hold us in His arms, waiting with us through the storms of life.

 

Habakkuk 2:3 (NIV)

Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.

 

While the path seems unclear now, God will make it clear in His time.  We don’t have to figure it out, we don’t have to search for a “Plan B” because the wait is His will, and it won’t last forever.  The answer is coming for those of us who are willing to wait upon the Lord.

 

And when the wait is over, we will be one step closer to God’s heart, and our joy will be complete.

 

Proverbs 13:12 (NIV)

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

 

The God who sees is a strong God.  He is ready to offer us His strength as we wait; we simply need to reach out and receive it.  I am challenged today to do just this.  I am on a journey that seems uncertain and unclear, but I know I am not alone.  God sees me.  God walks with me, and God will strengthen me while I wait.  And in His timing, He will bring the answer and the clarity I need.  While hope may be deferred in this moment, it is only a matter of time before this longing in my heart is fulfilled, and joy once again renewed.

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