This year, as December approached, I found myself in a reflective state of mind – pondering the passing year and what the New Year may bring. I get this way when December rolls around. Usually I find myself in awe of what God has done, the miracles, and His goodness to me, and my family. This time, however, I struggled to see the wonder of the past year and even more to anticipate a better 2010. Depressing as this may sound, 2009 was – simply stated – an unexceptional year. Without going into a lot of detail, I would have to say that my hopes and dreams and list of things I was believing God for in the year 2009 never materialized…at least not as of the first of December. In my brief review and reflection I was disappointed…and even worse, I wasn’t feeling all that excited about the year to come.
Then, something happened. It wasn’t a mind blowing, heart pounding, once in a lifetime kind of event. In fact, it wasn’t just one something that happened. It started with my quiet time. It started with a Psalm.
Psalm 40:1-3, 5
I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.
This passage triggered a memory of another scripture I had studied way back in April:
I Chronicles 17:16
“Who am I, O Lord God, a what is my family, that you have brought us this far?”
I was feeling pretty convicted as I read, and re-read those scriptures over and over. In fact, the following morning I opened my Bible and meditated on them again. And then again the next morning. And the morning after that. And every single day in December thus far.
It occurred to me that, while I hadn’t seen the one, big miracle I believed would be evidence of God’s presence and provision for the year, there were dozens and dozens of little miracles throughout the course of 2009. So many that “were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.” Looking once again at my family, and what God had done in our lives, internally and externally, I found myself frozen with gratitude for God’s graciousness to us. That He had brought us this far. That he had brought us through another year…evidence of His mercy, His love, His attention to every detail of our lives. I recalled His protection, His provision of our daily needs, and His peace in the midst of the many ups and downs we’ve encountered.
This realization has been profound and humbling to me. Just because I didn’t see God work the way I wanted Him to, or expected Him to, does not mean He wasn’t working. He was just doing it His way – the best way. He makes all things beautiful: the pain, the struggle, the disappointments and hurts. He weaves them together with the threads of hope, grace, humor and unconditional love to produce a tapestry of indescribable depth and beauty.
I will remember this year forever. Not as the year that “that one thing happened”, but as the year that God had brought us this far. His wonders were too many to recount. The favor of His hand was in the breathtaking brush strokes of the ordinary, the uncertain, the pain and even the little miracles of life. Amazing to me that once again, He has brought us this far.
What about you? Can you say that God has brought you this far? I hope so. I hope that if you are struggling to see it just now, that you will discover the wonders God has done before the year ends. And I hope you too will be able to say:
“Who am I, O Lord God, and what is my family, that you have brought us this far?”
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Thanks for sharing your insights gained from what God is teaching you each step of the way. Since I’m way older than you I’ll share something that may give you a another perspective from which to look at the monotonous times, which God has taught me. We are always looking for that ‘big thing’ that happened this year when it’s also encouraging to look at what DIDN’T happen. Our husbands DIDN’T lose their jobs, so we DIDN’T lose our homes and means of clothing or feeding ourselves. We didn’t fall victim to any fatal diseases, or accidents. We didn’t lose any of our loved ones or ourselves…you get the picture. I look back at how God protected, sustained, and spared us throughout the year and pray a repeat if it was ‘all good’, and if it wasn’t, it was ‘for our good’.
Again, thanks for sharing with us what God is teaching you. We learn right along with you when you do. I enjoy your insights and your charming and eloquent writing style.
Beautifully said Amy and an insight that is only gained from truly knowing the heart of your Father. Love you!
The one, big miracle. Yes, I know it well. Because all will be settled and I will be completely content if only that one, big miracle… that is until… well, I start to look for the next, big miracle.
Good thoughts for us today… keep on writing!
[...] past year, as I wrote a few weeks ago, was somewhat of an unexceptional year. However, God was still present in it, and I believe will [...]
[...] One year ago I struggled to find joy in the season. I found peace and contentment in the One to whom the season belongs, but there was nothing extraordinary that marked the passing year. Thankful for God’s faithfulness, I wrapped up the year realizing that God was good even without a lot of fan-fair and magic. Looking ahead to 2010, I honestly had no big expectations. I never dreamed that so much could change in one year. [...]