I’m a lucky girl. I am surrounded by some of the most unbelievable women on. the. planet. Seriously. They are phenomenal mothers, wives, friends, cooks, home managers, and coupon clippers. They are smart, witty, pretty, read their Bibles and pray every day. It is simply an honor for me to be able to hang out with them and to know them.
The challenge, not surprisingly, is that I am, maybe, fifty percent of those things, about fifty percent of the time. I fall short…a lot. Oh I try my darnedest to look like I’ve got myself all put together when I leave the safety of my home, but in the back of my mind I know my short-comings, and I never feel quite adequate enough. As I hear my friends dialogue about motherhood my mind wanders to that episode with my daughter earlier in the day, when I lost my patience and snapped at her. Or when my son kept begging me to play cars with him and I was irritated. Oh, I played with him, but I didn’t do it with a sweet spirit (and I’m always encouraging my kids to be sweet to one another). And so my insecurity continues to grow and grow and grow, like a festering wound deep inside my soul.
How do I shake the insecurity out of me? How do stop this silly game of comparison (because it only paralyzes me)? How do I climb out of this pit I’ve dug for myself?
Here’s how: I remember what God says about me. I remember that He is the one who formed me in the womb, and I am fearfully and wonderfully made (yes, that is right…wonderfully). I know I’m not perfect. I know I will make mistakes. But I also know that it is by God’s grace that I can wipe away the past failures and hit the delete button on shame.
My mom has always said to me that my life is a book (an appropriate metaphor), and every experience, every challenge, every heartache, and every growth pain is all part of the story. As I morph – transform – into the woman God has created me to be, there will be lots of bumps in the road. I will struggle with insecurity, but I will also overcome. I will catch myself looking at other women and thinking I have nothing to offer them but a long list of flaws and failures, while God still chooses to use me, insecurities and all: mommy mess ups and all, burned dinners and unhappy eaters…and all. And in the end, because I’m not Superwoman, God gets all the glory. Any good that comes from my life has nothing – nothing – to do with human effort on my part.
I think that’s the way God likes it. And you know what? I’m okay with that. I may not be everywoman for everywoman, but I’ll just be me: insecurities, flaws, bad hair days (like the one I’m sporting right now)…and all.
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So true! It is the flaws that keep us humble. If we were perfect we’d have to deal a LOT with pride!!!! And there’s enough of that in our hearts already! LOLOL Hugs
You did it again, sweet girl. We are all a lot more alike than we know!!
Amy! I think you are one amazing woman… perspective can be a gift.
[...] friends. They do just about everything great. I think I’ve mentioned this fact before in a previous post. As we chatted it up about motherhood, our kids, and our hubbies, I almost had to pinch myself [...]