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A friend of mine has been going through a difficult season.  It seemed that when things couldn’t quite possibly get worse, well…they did.  Two days ago God did a miracle in her life.  He not only answered a prayer that would effect her present circumstances, but he took care of past issues that were holding her captive and even went so far as to insure the future need was already met.  He answered my friend’s prayer completely.  He met her need from yesterday, supplied for today, and gave her hope for the future.  That is miraculous.  That, to me, is God doing what God does best.  My friend will have plenty to share around her Thanksgiving table this year.

I was concerned my last post might have been a bit too extreme.  Then, my dear friend shared her miracle with me and I thought to myself, “That’s what I’m talking about!”  That’s it!  Now, to be sure, my friend has been going through a long desert season.  This answer didn’t come without months of tears shed, laying her heart and soul at the feet of Christ.  How, when, and why God moves and works in our circumstances is not for us to know, or even understand. God is a mystery, and many times what he wills and allows does not make sense to us.  But I am encouraged that, even if it takes my entire life, God will complete the work he began.  The prayers offered with a sincere heart do not fall on deaf ears.  He knows.  He cares.  And he is working in unseen realms to finish what he started.  He takes care of yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  He is a miraculous God.

I love Thanksgiving.  I love hearing about what God is doing in the lives of others.  I am encouraged in my faith when I hear others boast about what the Lord has done for them.  On that note, it is your turn to share what God has done for you.  What are you thankful for today?  What are you believing God to complete in your life?  Share as much, or little, as you would like!

Happy Thanksgiving!

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Complete

There are difficult seasons of life that God, in his sovereignty, allows us to walk through.  Loss, depression, fear, or sickness, they sneak up and shake the ground beneath us.  In moments of faith and clarity we speak beyond our circumstances and look to the hope that awaits us.  But sometimes those seasons last longer than we expected.  They linger.  They outstay their welcome, and we begin to wonder- uncomfortably shifting in our position of faith-  if perhaps there will be no end to the night.  We acknowledge that God is our Savior and that he can do all things, but maybe he has no intention of moving this particular mountain from our way.  Maybe this is as good as it will ever get.  We trudge along, living heavy lives with unmet expectations.

 

I am certain we can all agree that every good and perfect gift comes from our Heavenly Father.  I have only to look upon the precious faces of my three little ones and there is no doubt in my mind that this is true.  Looking back on all the ways God has provided for my family, spared us grief and heartache, and walked alongside us through difficulties over this past year, I am confident that my God takes care of me.  My God cares.  However, dissatisfaction has been growing over the past few months.  At first, this lack of satisfaction was directed towards God.  While he has answered some of my prayers, there were always loose ends that never seemed to be taken care of.  I thought God was a God who not only answered prayer, but also took care of the details.  Without sounding like an ingrate, I was really expecting more from God.  As the dissatisfaction grew, my heart became more and more stirred to look at the way I was praying and to what degree of faith I was believing.  It didn’t take long for me to realize that it wasn’t God who was neglecting to tie up the loose ends and complete the answer.  Rather, it was my lack of faith that God could really answer my prayers completely.  I was only believing for a piece-mealed answer instead of believing for a full-fledged miracle.  And I will admit, I have lived out this small and cynical faith most of my life.

 

God is the God of the complete.  He is not the God of half-hearted answers.  He doesn’t throw us a bone every now and then in order to keep us loosely tethered to his side.  God is the God who promises to deliver us, and that deliverance is final.  God is the God that promised to provide and supply all of our needs, and the supply he brings is an abundant one, overflowing.  God is the God who heals and leaves no trace of sickness behind.  God is the God of completion.

 

 

My faith has been about as big as the answers I’ve been given, and I believe God is stirring my heart to a bigger more adventurous kind of faith.  A faith that believes in complete answers.  A faith that believes in a complete God.

 

Judges 6:16 “The Lord answered, ‘I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites together.’”  God was speaking to Gideon, who was a lot like me in the faith department, and exhorting him that when Gideon stepped out to fight, God would complete the battle.  It wouldn’t be a piece-mealed victory.  It would be a complete victory.

 

I Chronicles 16:11,12 “Look to the Lord and his strength; seek His face always.  Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles and the judgements he pronounced.”

 

Isaiah 45:2-3 “I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron.  I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.”

 

Matthew 17:20-21 “I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move.  Nothing will be impossible for you.”

 

I am believing for a complete answer to prayer.  I am placing my faith, not in what I can understand or conceptualize, but in a God who promises to do a complete work.  I am believing that God is the God of completion, and I am waiting in expectation.

 

So, what about those seasons of unmet expectations?  What about those years of God’s silence?

 

God allows us to drink the bitter waters of pain, sorrow, loss, and silence for one reason, and that is so we may be able to give God the glory when the sweet springs of restoration and healing pour into and then out of our lives.  Nothing happens to us, or in us, that hasn’t first passed through the hands of our Savior.  He never allows us to drink bitter waters without his permission.  And he never permits something that will not fit into the complete picture of his deliverance and answer.  Even the dark seasons serve a purpose in the completion of his victory.  And when the mountain that has blocked our way for too many years tumbles once and for all into the sea of our past, we will stand in awe of a God who has never left us, has been in constant contact, and not once took his hand from our lives.  And the glory belongs to him.

 

Philippians 1:6 “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

 

Believing God for bigger things.  Trusting his ways in the completion of the answer.  Never wavering, but always hoping.  And when it is done, it will be COMPLETE!

God Is Good…Really?

A few weeks ago Jackson went missing.  We couldn’t find him anywhere.  He had wandered off.  An army of us went out looking for him, and with every step I took I found myself praying, screaming out his name, and wondering if this was it. If this would be the “big one”.  You know, the story that defines my life, the detour from my set path, the heartache that would either drive me to God or away from God.  Because I was wrapped up in pursuit of my son, I did not track how many minutes went by from the moment we realized Jackson was missing to the moment my eyes caught a glimpse of him way off in the distance.  I was told it was somewhere around 18-20 minutes.

When Joel and I found Jackson, a huge wave of relief came over me.  I couldn’t even walk.  I had to sit down.  I needed to breathe.  Adrenaline and fear, desperate pleas to God and terror, nearly sucked the life right out of me.  Touching, holding, and kissing my son was surreal.  And I thanked God with a shaky voice and shaky hands.  Over and over and over again, gratitude and thanksgiving spilled from my lips like a waterfall.  Thank you, God!  You are so good!

Later, when I was quiet and alone and had time to think and recall the events of the day, I wondered “what if”.  It was bound to happen.  I couldn’t help but consider what would life be like if I hadn’t found Jackson?  What if he had been taken by someone?  What if he had been hit by a car?  What if…?  It isn’t healthy to sit and stew on the “what if’s”, but I think the biggest question I had that haunted me was “What if…something bad had happened…would I still believe that God is good?”

This is the question I have been pondering for several weeks now.  It is easy to say “God is good” when life is good, or we get the answer to prayer we have been hoping for, or we get the primo parking spot at the mall, or the sun is shining, or right after we’ve booked tickets for vacation, or in that first sip of our favorite Starbucks indulgence.  Mmmm…God is good.  I wonder if my faith, my view of God, is perhaps a little out of whack.  I wonder if we get a little too narcissistic?  The minute one little kink in our plan arises we suddenly think the world is coming to an end.  And I wonder about those individuals who have truly experienced tragedy, and somehow, someway, have been able to utter through tears and pain that “God is good”, know something about God that I don’t know yet.

For days I was unable to acknowledge God’s goodness because I doubted my ability to find him good if Jackson had not been found.  I honestly wondered if I could still believe God to be good had I lost my baby boy.  Then, one morning as I was reading the Word and meditating on all of these crazy thoughts I’d been having, I came across a Psalm.

Psalm 30:8-10

To you, O Lord, I called; to the Lord I cried for mercy: “What gain is there in my destruction, in my going down into the pit?  Will the dust praise you?  Will it proclaim your faithfulness?  Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me; O Lord, be my help.”

It isn’t that God’s goodness is contingent upon circumstances.  He is good regardless of which direction my life goes.  I believe that my happy ending in finding Jackson when he was lost and nowhere to be found, was God’s mercy in my life.  I can’t define it.  I don’t deserve it.  And I can’t explain it away to someone who’s pain and grief of a lost child are with them daily.  For whatever reason, only known to God, he extended mercy to me, to my family, on that day.  In the grand scheme of our story, there would be no gain from this devastation.  That doesn’t mean that difficulties will never come my way, or that I am somehow excluded from the harshness of life, but this was not it. This would not be my “big one”…my one defining moment.

God had mercy.

One of the many things that I love about Psalms is that there is always an upward focus.  Regardless of circumstances, the writer looks to God, places complete trust in God and gives all praise and thanksgiving to God.  Our hope, no matter what we may be going through, is that God’s goodness will see us through anything and everything that this sinful world throws our way.

The final verses of Psalm 30 says this:

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.  O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.

In plenty and in want, there is hope and assurance that God will take our wailing and turn it into a beautiful dance, a garment of joy and unending songs of his goodness, graciousness, mercy, and love.

Yes, God really is good.  Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way, but he is.  He sees our pain, our challenges, our joys, and sorrows, and through them all, he is good.

Everything I Need

Sometimes I want something new.  Sometimes I want lots of new somethings.  Sometimes I don’t even know why, there is no real necessity, but I just gotta have new stuff.

I’m not going to project my weaknesses onto all of you, so I’ll just assume that this is something that I alone struggle with.  (Although, something tells me that there are others who have to battle out the urge to splurge too.)

This weekend I received an e-mail from one of my favorite shopping boutiques.  Forty percent off of already marked down sale items…this weekend only.  Something leaped within me.  I need.  I want.  I must have…  These thoughts continued to monopolize my mind all through Friday.  And then again on Saturday.  I started scheming and planning out my attack on Ann Taylor Loft.  When could I steal away a few hours to shop till I dropped?  How could I finagle the finances to satisfy the consumer craving of my soul?  It seemed the only day that would remotely work out in my favor (and I would have to really squeeze it into our already over-stuffed schedule) was Sunday.  Late Sunday.  With a twinge of conviction tugging deep, deep down in my soul, I set my sights on a Sunday afternoon shopping spree.

Then, because I have to believe the Holy Spirit – who is forever looking out for my very best and could see I wasn’t acknowledging His subtle nudgings – decided to speak up a little louder.  In my quiet time Sunday morning I read Psalm 23.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

The first verse stopped me in my tracks.  I shall not want.

The Message translation says this: God, my Shepherd!  I don’t need a thing.

Gentle, but clear, I was reminded of the abundance I have received from the Lord.  Yes, I have everything I need.  Whatever void I was feeling – emotional, spiritual or simply materialistic lust – would never be filled will a new blouse, a new sweater or a new pair of jeans.  That void, that urge to splurge, was a soul calling out for God to come and satisfy in a way that only he can.

Without shame or condemnation I turned the direction of my focus on the Shepherd, the One, who has given me everything that I need, everything that a girl could possibly want (and then some), and poured out a heart of thanksgiving and gratitude.  Rather than catch the final hours of the sale, I found rest in the peace and contentment of God’s constant and complete provision.

He is everything I need, even when forty percent off is desperately calling my name.

Hide Me

For the past few weeks I’ve been working my way through Beth Moore’s Bible study Breaking Free.  With each new day of homework a new challenge is laid out before me.  Am I willing to delve deep – to the most inner parts of my heart and soul – allowing God to open up old wounds, new hurts and daily struggles in order to walk away from this ten week study fully embracing freedom and grace?  It’s not been an easy task.  I find myself longing to run and hide; hide from people, hide from uncomfortable situations, hide from the truth inside.  However, each time I feel the temptation to run in the opposite direction of true freedom and liberation, I sense the Holy Spirit gently pulling me back and whispering words of comfort to my soul.  He is urging me to stop running from the junk hidden behind walls of false peace and protection, but rather run and hide in him.  As he reveals those areas in my life that are holding me back from fearless abandonment, he also reveals to me the shadow of his wings, the covering of his presence and the peace of his protection.  There is no fear in deliverance because God is always there to watch over and hide me in his shadow.

Psalm 17:8

Keep me as the apple of your eye, hide me in the shadow of your wings.

Psalm 32:7

You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.

Psalm 91:1

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High will abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

Wherever you are in your journey, remember, God is with you.  His eye is forever upon you.  When your feet are two steps away from running as far from your mountain as they can possibly take you, remind yourself that there is no better place to run and hide than the shadow of the One who loves you more than life itself.  His wings will hold you firm and secure, and he will protect you from unnecessary harm.  He will give you the grace and strength to face your biggest fears and conquer your mountain once and for all.  Run to him…hide in him.  Know freedom in the secret places of your soul.  Find refuge in the shadow of the Almighty.

Mr. Amy

First, I just want to commend and acknowledge the working moms out there.  I have always had the utmost respect for you and all that you do, but now that I am working (part time, mind you), that respect has doubled…no…tripled!  How you do it all, I don’t know.  You are the true super heros, in my opinion.

As we are working on getting into a nice groove with our new schedule, I’m afraid my poor blog has received the short end of the stick.  It pains me.  Truly, it does.  As I lay my head on my pillow each night recounting all the activities of the day, the one thing that looms overhead is how negligent I’ve been with this blog.  I’m still working on finding balance.

While I don’t have the brain cells to articulate what God’s been doing in my heart and mind over the past week, I thought I’d jot down a few of the highlights:

  • Allergies to cockroaches are nothing to laugh about.
  • Sometimes empathy is all you can give.
  • There is no sitting down on the job when you work at a preschool – there is no time to sit down.
  • My son calls me “Teacher Mommy”.
  • I have surprised myself at how much I can actually do in a 24 hour period.
  • God’s grace truly is sufficient, and his power is made perfect in my weakness.
  • Waking up before the rest of the world to be in the Word and pray, as difficult as it is some days, pays off when someone asks for prayer, and there is a pool of spiritual strength to draw from.
  • God isn’t expecting perfection, just willingness to try.
  • I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
  • And finally, I have grown quite fond of being called “Mr. Amy” by the little three-year-old boy in my Friday class.  It comes out more as a “Mith-ter Amy”, and my heart melts.

The lunches have been packed and prepared for the rest of the week, book bags are sitting by the door, clothes set out, and the coffee pot ready to brew at 5:15 am.  Mr. Amy will be getting back to work in the morning, ready to take on a new week.

Uprooted

If there is pain, or struggle, or an unhealthy coping mechanism that you just can’t seem to break free from, the only way you will ever know true deliverance is if you pull it out by the roots.  You have to dig deep inside, go straight to the source of the problem, face it head on, and yank it out will all your might.  Yes, it will hurt.  Yes, there may be a season of sowing tears and heart ache, but if you want to be free…really free…you have to go to the root of the problem.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if God would zap us with one magical finger every time we had an emotional breakdown, addiction, or sin issue in our lives – that we could experience instant, gratifying healing?  I know there have been many times when I’ve been in a heap of hurt and brokenness, and my first thought has been, “If God would just hit me with his best shot, I would be happy, renewed, and ready to take on the world.”  For whatever reason, God has never chosen to do anything instantly in my life.  On the contrary, he has allowed me to go through long and painful seasons of discovery and healing.  I am human, and I would much prefer instant gratification.  However, just as we all have to learn delayed gratification in our day-to-day lives, God knows that many times instant healing would never allow us to learn, grow, and uncover the deeper mystery of our Heavenly Father.  If I truly want to walk in freedom,  I have to allow God to literally uproot my life.  I have to allow him complete access to dig deep inside, reveal the root of my issues, and then pull them out.  Otherwise, all I am getting is a counterfeit healing.

I don’t know about you, but I want real healing.  I want something that is going to last, and I want to walk away complete in him.  Weeds that simply get a nice trim are still weeds, and they will grow back.  Weeds that have been pulled out by the root are gone for good, and that’s the kind of healing that I want.  Healing that is done for good.

How do we do this?  Where do we start?

First, recognize and admit there is a problem in your life.  Come to grips with the dysfunction, and stop trying to avoid facing the facts.

Second, reach out to God.  Ask him for his help, and surrender your life to his hands.

Third, surround yourself with godly people whom you trust that can be a support, provide accountability, and walk through this journey of healing alongside you.  We have been given the church – the Body of Christ – as a gift.  Not just a group of people to hang out with and enjoy a good bar-b-que with from time to time (which is wonderful, for sure), but a group of people that will speak truth in love and offer authentic friendship.  Don’t be afraid to reach out.

Fourth, as the Body of Christ is doing its work, you, too, must do your work.  Be proactive in the healing process.  The longer you wait, holding out for God to zap you, the longer you delay your day of freedom.

When Jesus healed in the Bible, it was never just that one issue that the person brought to him.  His healing was always, and is still always, multi-dimentional.  He healed the whole person, from the inside out.  I realize these four steps may seem a bit simplified, but they are a start to delving deeper to the root of your problem, and allowing God to uproot your life multi-dimensionally.

September

September is one of those crazy, transitional months that I look forward to all through August and then panic and stress out when “the first” finally arrives.  I can’t wait to get back into the swing of routine, shuffling kids out the door for school, and the pre-mature glimpses of the approaching fall season.  At the same time, I worry that I’ll forget something (like someone’s school supplies or my mind, perhaps), spend half my day running late for the next thing, get to work with that unprepared feeling, and never get enough sleep.  It’s the little unforseen bugs in the system that keep me up at night.  Usually, by October, we’ve worked out all the kinks, but until then, I’m barely hanging on by a thread.

Needless to say, amidst all the transition and figuring out of schedules, new routines and such, I have discovered a trick for survival.  I have found something that warms my every fiber from the inside out, calms my frantic nerves, and comforts me when I wake up at 4:30 am trying to plan out my day.  September calls for a heaping dose of Psalms and Starbucks.

Psalms speaks to my soul, reminds me of God’s faithfulness, his provision for all of our needs (no matter how big or small), and his unfailing love in spite of my failure to live up to my own expectations.  Starbucks makes me smile with their soy caramel machiattos and pumpkin spice lattes.  They remind me of how glorious fall can be with the changing colors, cool, crisp mornings, my favorite sweaters, and Notre Dame football.

September will not overwhelm me.  I will soar above the chaos with Psalms and Starbucks.  They will see me through all this transition, and October will roll right in like an enormous pumpkin on my doorstep.

This is September.  This is how I survive.

What about you?

Though It Linger…

Habakkuk 2:3 “Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.” 

Sometimes it would appear as though God has forgotten all about us.  The promises he made that we have been holding onto are becoming increasingly difficult to believe.  Somehow, someway, we have this yearning to see God do something.  And yet, he continues to remain silent to our pleas, our cries, our heartfelt prayers and petitions.

Proverbs 13:12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is the tree of life.”

Hope is not to disappoint us.  Hope is supposed to carry us through.  Sometimes hope is all we have.  But what happens when our hope is deferred?  What happens when every last effort and hope has been depleted and we’re left with nothing?  We feel the sudden pang of heart sickness.  Pain.  Sorrow.  Disappointment.  There is no masking the deep sadness that accompanies lost hope.

What do we do when we’ve reached the end of our rope?  When we’ve prayed so much that our cheeks are soggy from tears and our eyes are swollen and red?  How do we proceed?

We wait.

When we’ve prayed all that we can pray.  When words fail us, and we don’t even see the end of the tunnel, and the clock is ticking, and we’re tired and weary…we wait.

“Though it linger…”

Though the promise is slow in coming…though the explanation has yet to be clear…though the darkness is heavy all around…

“…wait for it!”

Hold on…don’t waver in unbelief and doubt.  Trust.  Look heavenward to where your hope is secure…and wait.

“It will certainly come and will not delay.”

God is faithful to his promises, and though in our finite world it would appear as though God is slow, he is working every detail out for our benefit.  The answer will come.  The longing will certainly be fulfilled.  And hope will be renewed.

The same God who holds the world in his hands…holds my world in his hands…and he holds your world in his hands.  The very things that are precious to us are precious to him.  He cares deeply about those things that concern us.  He knows.  He empathizes, and he is working on our behalf.

Don’t give up.  Keep on trusting.  Lean into the Father.  Saturate your mind in the Word.  And wait.

Romans 4:18-21

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.”  Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead – since he was about a hundred years old – and that Sarah’s womb was also dead.  Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what he had promised.

Oh. My. Lord. 

 

My life seems to have made a hard left-hand turn.  And let me just say this before I go on…this turn of events is an answer to many, many prayers (spoken and unspoken).

 

I’m going back to work, people!  I haven’t worked outside the home since I was pregnant with Sydney.  We’re talking over seven years of being a stay-at-home mom.  Seven of the most rewarding years of my life, I might add.  My little man, Jackson, starts preschool next week, and Brooklyn enters kindergarten.  And God opened the door for me to work at their school. 

 

For several years I’ve put feelers out for a job…a means to help our family financially.  For several years every door I’ve knocked on has either closed or no one has even answered.  Until this year.  I didn’t even touch the door, and the next thing I knew…I was offered a job…more than I expected.  If you were to pinch me, I’d swear I must be dreaming.  But I’m not.

 

Things are about to get interesting.  I am actually writing this post from the center of household chaos while dealing with multiple interruptions from three bored little ones.  (I’m going to try and make it a short one.)  

 

As I’ve been getting ready for the start up of school, preparing myself to go back to work and finishing up end of summer activities, my “to do” list continues to grow and grow and grow.  The perfectionist in me is stressing because of the driven nature to make sure everything is…well…perfect.  And I’m trying to keep all the balls in the air – this blog included – and I’m starting to worry that something is going to fall short of my high expectations, and I’m realizing that there is a deep cry within me for one thing. 

 

Balance.

 

In order to attain balance, I am going to have to restructure.  The first thing I am placing on the back burner is this blog.  I am not quitting…oh heavens no.  However, I will be cutting back on the number of posts produced.  If I have nothing to write, then I’m not going to write.  If I have no time to write, then I’m not going to write.  I am going to focus on quality…not quantity.  As of yet, I’m not sure what this is going to look like, or if I will eventually come up with a schedule of sorts.  However, the blog will have to get used to its new place in the priorities of my life.

 

My home is all a’bustle with excitement.  Rather than look at Brooklyn starting kindergarten as something to mourn, or the fact that my little guy is going to be in preschool, I have begun to celebrate this brand new season in our lives.  I’ll be honest with you, change is not an easy thing for me.  But what I’ve learned in my very short life is that change can be my friend.  I am taking my kids on a journey to embrace change, and it all begins with me.  My attitude.  My countenance.  While I appreciate and cherish the past seven years as a gift from God, I can look ahead and know with confidence that this next season is also a gift from God.  And I’m ready to see what new things God has for us. 

 

It’s going to get interesting.  And I can. not. wait.

 

Isaiah 43:18

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

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