Simplifying… me

“Children are not things to be molded, but people to be unfolded.” – Unknown

I had an “ah-ha” moment this week.

My husband and I are taking a parenting class. Part of our homework was to take a behavior assessment, and then do a simplified one for each of our children. There are four main temperaments: The “Doer” – takes charge, doesn’t believe in the word ‘no’, strong-willed, intense; the “Expressive” – talkative, demonstrative, energetic, social, ‘life of the party’; the “Relater” – warm, caring, laid back, sensitive to the needs of others; and the “Thinker” – analytical, processing, reserved, thoughtful, introspective.

Here are the results we found in our family:

Dad – High “Doer” and “Expressive”
Mom – High “Relater” and “Thinker”
Child #1 – “Doer”/”Expressive”
Child #2 – “Expressive/”Relater”
Child #3 – “Doer”/”Thinker”

Three out of five in my family are “doers”, one is highly “expressive”, and then there is me. The relater. The thinker. The temperament that craves peace, tranquility and calm, rational thought and step-by-step process. If I were to describe my family in three words they would be: “DRAMA”, “INTENSITY” and “PASSION”. Do you see where I might feel a little like a duck out of water?

Here is my “ah-ha” moment.

I have often felt discouraged and much frustration as a parent because I can’t seem to keep my home quiet and calm, and my children soft-spoken and reserved. When I am out with my three little ones there is much bustle and energy, noise and opinions. For a long time I have believed that somewhere along the way I messed up – that I haven’t been training and leading them adequately – and, therefore, something must be wrong with ME. Then we did this behavior assessment. My perspective has completely changed. I came to the realization that with the temperaments represented in my home, there will always be commotion, noise, energy, passion, drama, excitement, talking, expressive story-telling, and intense outbursts of feeling and emotion. My home will NEVER be sedate. My home will always be ALIVE. You’ve heard, “The hills are alive, with the sound of music…” Well, my home is alive with sound of Slaters.

And that’s okay. Realizing this has helped me look at my children, and even my husband, in a new light. Instead of molding them into a shape or design that suits me – or even the perceived expectations of others – my challenge as their mother is to unfold what God has ordained and woven together in my womb, with His guidance and help. It’s not about letting them go wild and unruly – that would be irresponsible. It’s about discovering them, learning them, nurturing their strengths and applying godly instruction to make them into the people that God designed them to be.

In conclusion, God blessed me with these little ones. He has given me everything I need to train them up, guide them and discover all the beauty and potential that lies within them – unfolding, not molding.

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