Recently I had the privilege of speaking to a group of women on “The Woman At the Well”. I had four months to prepare. During those four months I prayed, researched, meditated, fasted and wrote incessantly on the Samaritan Woman – I was completely immersed in all things “Woman At The Well”! Every time I sat down to work on my message I found myself crying as so many points in her story echoed my own life.
With three young children (ages 5, 4 and 2), I have found that the only way for me to have uninterrupted time to pray is by waking up at 5:30am. During the four months of preparation I found myself eager to get up every morning to spend quiet time with the Lord. I couldn’t open my Bible without some passage of scripture jumping out at me, or a new light being shone on one I’ve read dozens of times. It was like I had this private audience with God on a consistent basis. He was speaking to me in everything, and I was soaking it up as much as I possibly could. Amazing.
The day finally came when I was to share my message. I gave it my all. I had come to a point, before I spoke, that regardless of how much or how little feedback I may receive, I knew that God had given me a word to share. I was humbled, truly, by the overwhelmingly positive response I got from women of all ages. I have to say that the words of affirmation touched me deeply. God was faithful that morning.
Then 5:30am the next day rolled around, and the morning after that…and the morning after that…and the morning after that – still meeting with God. However, something was different. There were no bright lights and bursts of enlightenment. Getting up to meet with God was becoming more and more difficult – almost tedious (and I hate to admit that). Why? Simple, because my prayers and meditations seemed to be falling on deaf ears, and I was left with no response. Rather than God speaking to me I found myself sitting in God’s silence. My quiet time was too quiet.
Today I was thinking about this. I threw the question “out there” (“Where are you God – why are you being so quiet? I’m not feeling the love!”) figuring I would get no answer. Then something crossed my mind – a simple thought, “Be still and know that I am God.”
Hmmm…be still and know.
Lamentations 3:25-27 (The Message)
“God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks.
It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God.
It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times.”
It’s not about feeling. It’s not about the enlightenment and thrill of the experience. It is all about the search, the stillness, the quiet moments, the waiting, the persevering and the hope in God. I love those seasons when God seems to be “heard” not in whispered tones but almost audibly. However, my faith and my ability to truly KNOW God will only grow during these silent seasons. True faith – mature faith – is believing and trusting that God is here with me even when there is darkness all around and His voice is in the shadows. While I wait, I will seek, and while I seek, I will hope. God is still there. He’s still completing the work He began in me. He is still speaking to me however, at this time God is speaking in the silence.
As I am still I will know that He is God, and if I am quiet enough I might just hear Him whisper something new and fresh deep within my soul.
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I have spent almost a year in the desert. In the beginning my heart was aching so much and I was in such pain from God distancing himself from me.
It has taken all this time for me to understand that He works powerfully in this desert place, this place of “the dark night of the soul.”
Its here that we fall onto our knee’s and cry out to Him, we search, thirst and hunger for Him and in turn we get stripped of all our works, our flaws are painfully revealed and exposed.
We then walk from this dry place, into the fire, where life just seems unbearable,depression lays heavy on us and we wonder will this winter period ever end.
But it does, and when it does, we are revealed as a new creation in Christ, and those dead branches start to bud with life.
Keep walking your walk sister.