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Four Things I Learned Last Weekend

Aug 10th, 2011 by Amy

A week ago I was flying across the country to meet up with three of my high school BFF’s.  We had been planning this reunion for months, and the excitement of seeing these sweet friends had me up all through the night.  I knew it was going to be a wonderful weekend, but I had no idea just how wonderful it would turn out to be.

There was laughter.  So much so that we discovered new muscles in our cheeks that we never knew existed.  There were, of course, tears, stories and endless conversation.  It never stopped.  For 48 hours straight.  As I have been reflecting upon our time together there are some things that I will be processing for days and weeks to come.  However, I have come up with four simple take-aways that I learned from spending time with some of the most amazing women on the planet.  Here they are:

  • I’m not crazy.  Life as a third culture kid can sometimes leave one to feel like a lunatic.  Even at 37 years of age.  Being with my girlfriends this weekend, who have shared similar experiences and challenges, reminded me that I am not a lunatic.  What a relief!
  • “Double Switch” is still the best made-for-t.v. movie ever to hit the small screen.  Just sayin’.
  • I’m a great mom.  Yes.  That’s right.  Can you believe I would have the audacity to proclaim my unparalleled mothering skills?  We talked a lot about “mom guilt”.  If you have never felt the searing pain of “mom guilt” then I want to know who you are and I want to shake your hand, or give you a hug.   I try so hard at motherhood, and oftentimes feel like a failure.  Balancing discipline, love, spiritual growth, and relationship building is a full-time job, and then some.  I don’t want to be a good mom, I want to be a great one.  And what perpetuates the guilt and feelings of failure is every time I look around and compare myself with other moms.  We talked about this stuff – our stuff.  Finally, we realized that no matter how hard we try to make sure we don’t fail at this thing called motherhood, our kids will still have issues.  They may not be our issues, but they will have issues just the same.  But they will also turn out okay.  Ultimately, they rest in God’s hands.  We simply do the best we can.  I concluded that I am a great mom.  A super, fabulous, top-notch, creative, compassionate, super-woman mom.  If you can relate, then go ahead and give yourself a little pat on the back.  Believe me, I have. :)
  • Spiritual growth is a slow process, sometimes unrecognizable from the outside.  I don’t know about you, but there are many times I feel like I’m running a winless race.  In fact, I feel like I’m running myself into the ground trying to prove to myself and others that I am a spiritually mature Christian.  Somehow it has become more about me than about Him.  However, I realized, as I processed some of life’s challenges and hurts with my friends, that in the moments when I feel like nothing worth a hill of beans is happening in my life are the very moments when God is doing extraordinary things in me.  There is no rush in spiritual growth.  It is a one-small-step-at-a-time walk.  This is not a competition.  It is a personal journey.

As I boarded the plane home, wiping tears from my eyes, I heard Michael W. Smith’s song, “Friends are Friends Forever” ringing in my head.  How right he was.  BFF’s forever.

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Posted in Africa, Life, Motherhood | 7 Comments »

Welcome to my world…creating special places from extra spaces

Aug 5th, 2011 by Amy

Where on earth does one find extra space in a small house where every square inch is accounted for?

The answer to this question takes a little creativity, planning, time, and teamwork.  Our bonus space upstairs – our saving grace -DSC03668 was an eye sore to me for three years.  I hated it.  Because of its odd shape, I had a difficult time seeing its potential to be anything other than a giant toy box with a desk.  I rearranged furniture on a regular basis, hoping to make peace with my zig-zag shaped room.

Then, ding! A light went on in my head.  Perusing through- or more like desperately inhaling one of my decorating books- I found a picture of a small home office with a window seat and built-in shelving.  And there it was:  the answer to all my bonus room woes.  Duplicating this idea for our home would kill three birds with one stone: add seating, storage, and charm (and I’m all about charm).

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Once we had the plan, then everything else fell into place: the wall color, the accent colors, the home office.  My creative juices started flowing, and I could finally “see” the potential for this room.  We got rid of our over-sized computer desk and scaled down to a computer armoire - which I bought second-hand.  We also enlisted the help of my in-laws.  They are two of the most gifted do-it-yourself people I know.  My father-in-law is a skilled craftsman (although he would deny this fact emphatically), and my mother-in-law is a seamstress extraordinaire.  Together, they are a powerful team…and have been a huge blessing to us.  We put our heads together, using the picture from my decorating book as a guide, and began planning out the window-seat wall unit.

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From the moment I came up with the idea for our bonus room to the finished product was two years.  Sometimes these things takeK7A18D4E1F5F25_1000002 time, but they are well worth the wait.  I love our window seat.  It’s a great place to flop with a good book or catch up on a little e-mail.  There is a place for random toys, shelves for books, nick-nacks and pictures, and ample seating for people.  The transformation of this room has been an incredible gift to our family.

K7A18D4E161CEE_1000021Other individual spaces can be created with a little tweaking.  In our living room we have a big red chair.  It is my special spot.  That’s where I have my quiet time in the morning, and where I like to flop in the evening (Joel loves this special spot too, so in the evening it’s first come/ first serve :) ).  I have fluffy pillows that makes sitting there super comfy and warm.

My patio in the summertime is another example.  Our outdoor space has been a work-in-progress.  Thisoutside year I finally broke down and bought patio furniture.  In the past it’s been “pay for a root canal…or buy patio furniture?”  You can take a guess at which one we opted for.  This year we were able to take the plunge and add a little patio seating to the exterior decor of our home.  And I must say, I am loving it.

Other suggestions:

  • The landing.  You can create something sweet at the top of your stairs by adding a little shelf, a wall collage of pictures, trunk, plant, or small chair.
  • Your bedroom.  I talked about this in my post about the master suite.  You can read about it here.
  • A corner.  Depending on the layout of your home, look for a corner that shows potential for becoming a special spot.  There is a great post written by Sarah over at A Beach Cottage that demonstrates this concept well.
  • It could even be one side of your couch.  Add a couple of fluffy throw pillows, a soft blanket, and you’ve created your own special place.

Next week we’ll face our junk square in the eye and show it who’s boss.  Thanks for joining me…see you next week!

Posted in Life, Small Space Living | 1 Comment »

Hold-your-hand-in-the-dark friends

Aug 2nd, 2011 by Amy

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These girls are two of my hold-your-hand-in-the-dark friends.  During one of the most painful seasons of my life, these girls were there for me.  They loved me.  They hurt with me.  They are the kind of friends that don’t judge when you cry so hard that your mascara runs, your nose runs, and nothing coming out of your mouth makes any sense at all.  I am so grateful for them.

We may want to desperately erase our pasts, pretending that things never really happened.  I know there are seasons of my own life that I would rather just forget.  However, these dear friends of mine are a reminder to me that something beautiful can be had in the ugliness of our pasts.  While I was in my darkest hour, these girls were my light and a reminder that God still cared for me.  They sat with me, prayed for me, and in the words of my friend Heidi, “When you don’t know what to say, you just hold her hand.”

Do you have friends like this?  The hold-your-hand-in-the-dark kind of friends?  Perhaps the shoe is on the other foot, and you are that hold-your-hand-in-the-dark friend for someone.  Whichever side of the dark you are on, trust that the blessing of this friendship will be with you forever.  And the journey you are on, no matter how painful, will be worth all the blood, sweat, and tears in the end.

And one day, perhaps years down the road, these same friends will laugh with you, take you down the happy side of memory lane, and rejoice when they see how far you’ve come.

Hang in there, and keep holding hands.

Posted in Life | 4 Comments »

Welcome to my world…before we go any further

Jul 29th, 2011 by Amy

Today marks Week Five of my new Friday series on small-space-living.  As I was putting it all together I felt I needed to make sure I took a moment to talk about one of the biggest obstacles I have faced while living in a small home.  It has nothing to do with size and everything to do with my attitude.  This has truly been a journey, and I hope you’ll hang in here with me as we continue along. :)

If you are new to my blog and you would like to catch up on my small space living series, you can do so by clicking on the following links:

Week 1

Week 2

Week 3

Week 4

There is nothing more stressful than playing the “keeping up with the Joneses” game.  And I’ll confess, I am guilty of playing this at various seasons in my life.  And I think if we were all willing to be gut-wrenchingly honest, there is probably a small part of us that is always looking at someone else’s life…and comparing.

We could blame it on the American dream.  The one that tells us that true happiness is a beautiful home, a happy marriage, two-and-a-half children, a dog, and a pristine minivan/SUV/station wagon/Hybrid something…take your pick.  And until we’ve attained all these things we’re somehow missing out on the good life.  But the world is a different place today.  I’m not going to say that the American dream is dead, but I do believe it has changed .  And I find the most challenging obstacle for me in all of this is not so much the American dream – that sort of sits out there in space somewhere just out of my reach – but changing my mindset.

Letting go of the American dream.  This is not to say that we won’t one day move into a more spacious home (I’m not anti-large home at all).  But if that is our number-one goal, then I wonder if we’ve gotten off track somewhere.  I wonder if chasing after the American dream is really what life is supposed to be about.  And if this is all we’re striving for, I think we’re going to be very discouraged and frustrated when life takes a turn in a different direction.  There are some things that are simply out of our control, and the best way to live at peace with ourselves and our circumstances, is pull out of the rat race that tells us what we need or should have, and start living in the present.  Making the most of the life God has given us today.

I could go on and on about how to maximize small spaces, how to organize and stay organized, and how to successfully purge your house of miscellaneous papers and such, but all that is meaningless until your mindset has changed.  First, get to that point where the American dream is either forgotten or placed on the back burner for a while.  It is only then that you can move forward and embrace small-space living.  There is no reward for trying to keep up with other people.  It will surely drive you mad and drive you deep into debt.

So, before we go any further, I would urge you to do a little soul searching.  Discover what unfulfilled dreams you’ve been holding on to that only seem to keep you from moving ahead, come to grips with where you are, and ask God to give you a fresh perspective.  Only then can you find the peace you’ve been longing for.  And only then can you embrace your sweet small space.

“Contentment does not come from the acquisition of what you want.  It comes from the appreciation of how much you already have.” – Ray Noah, Lead Pastor, Portland Christian Center

Next week we’ll look at ways to create individual spaces out of extra space.  Time to get those creative juices flowing!

Posted in Life, Small Space Living | 1 Comment »

A Brief Thought On Motherhood

Jul 27th, 2011 by Amy

Moms come in all different shapes, sizes, colors, histories, gifts and callings.  Motherhood is not a “one size fits all” deal.  In theory this is a great truth.  In practice it can be very challenging to accept and believe.

Some moms work outside the home, some moms are full time homemakers.  Some moms send their kids to public school, some to private school, and some choose to homeschool.  Some moms are single, some are married.  Some moms are the outdoorsy types, and love camping, rock climbing, canoeing and hiking.  Some moms are crafty, some are foodies, some are musicians, some are story-tellers.  Some moms wear a high powered suit to work and lead major companies, some moms rock at farming and cattle raising.

I believe the best moms are not the moms that try to squeeze into a mold that doesn’t fit (it’s like trying to squeeze into a pair of ill-fitting jeans…that’s downright sad and painful).  The best moms are not looking at other moms and comparing themselves or wasting time by judging and criticizing.  Just as each individual comes in a unique and beautiful package, so is the role they play in motherhood.  There is no “one size fits all”.  Rather than comparing, wouldn’t it be more productive for us to extend grace to one another and realize that most moms are simply trying to do the best they can to be the best they can be?

The best moms are the moms who are grounded in their faith, obedient to the individual calling God has placed on their lives, and are operating in their God-given gifts and abilities.  These moms will truly be their best selves for their families.

“Her children will arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:  Many women do noble things but you surpass them all.  Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31:28-30

Posted in Faith, Life, Marriage, Motherhood | 4 Comments »

Welcome to my world…the master of the house

Jul 22nd, 2011 by Amy

A very long time ago I heard a woman speak about how to create a lovely home.   Her audience was a group of pastors’ wives, and her primary point was the importance of focusing on the master bedroom before tackling any other room in the house.  The “love nest” should be every woman’s priority.  I wish I could say I took her advice to heart and have been an obedient little pastor’s wife, but in this simple thing I have failed.

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The “love nest” is very important to me; however, in the three homes Joel and I have lived in, I have found myself setting up the kitchen and living room – and now the children’s room – before focussing on the master bedroom.  This is no reflection on the sate of my marriage.  Honest.  I’m just a practical girl.  I spend more time in my kitchen than I do my bedroom, so the kitchen comes first.

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So why am I sharing all of this with you?  Simple.  The master bedroom, even after six years in this house, is still a work in progress.  I’m still tweaking.  The former me would have put this post on hold – for 2 to 3 years – until it looked the way it does in my dreams.  But for the sake of this series, I decided to lay down my pride and give you a little preview of the master of the house.

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Before moving into our home, I imagined the most peaceful place on earth.  I daydreamed about my favorite locations in the world: Aix en Provence, Mombasa, Paris, Maasai Mara, the East Coast.  If I could wake up every morning in one spot, where would it be?  And that is how I put our master bedroom together.

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I’m constantly tweaking it, and I even have plans to repaint (don’t tell my husband!) because it never feels “done” to me.  Still, I get a small dose of St. Simon’s Island, Georgia, when I hide away in my room.

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While we haven’t completely banished the children from our bedroom, we do have boundaries.  It’s not a playroom.  Plain and simple.  This is sacred space, and that’s how I survive.

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The master suite is the one place where I can escape from little toys and little shoes for a few hours.  A place where I can recharge, calm down, and feel refreshed.

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Believe it or not, this has not put a damper on my relationship with my children.  They have a respect and understanding that the master bedroom is a special place.  It doesn’t hurt children to have boundaries.  It teaches them respect for other people and how to conduct themselves in other homes.  Plus, making the master bedroom a room set-apart models to my children that the relationship between mom and dad is important and a priority.

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Here are a few hints on small-space master suites:

  • If you have children, keep the master suite your own.  I’m all for sharing, but not this one thing.
  • Create a peaceful place.  Whatever color calms you down, use it on your walls and accent colors. K7A18D4E1F5F25_1000033
  • Stay away from big, bulky furniture pieces.  Big furniture will swallow your room whole.  Try to find pieces with character that enhance the look of the room.
  • Think storage.  There are wonderful closet storage units that help minimize clutter but also give you more closet space.  The less clothes and other items you need in the bedroom the better.

Thanks for stopping by today.  Next week, we’ll talk about the biggest obstacle to overcome in small space living.  I hope you’ll join me!

Posted in Life, Marriage, Small Space Living | 3 Comments »

Welcome to my world…sleeping arrangements

Jul 15th, 2011 by Amy

“How do you do it?  How do you sleep all three kids in one room?”

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DSC02949_0003_003I get asked this question…a lot.  Honestly, I’m no supermom, so I don’t usually have a good answer.  I guess the one thing we had going for us was that our kids have never known anything but sharing a room together.  This is the way it has always been.  I shared a room with my sister until we were in junior high.  And even then, we would sneak into each other’s rooms every so often just to be together.  Siblings sharing a bedroom was not a foreign concept to me, so naturally I always figured that my kids would share a room, too.  However, the idea of having my son share bedroom space with my girls was a little foreign to me.  This mental block had to be removed quickly because there really wasn’t any other option in our case.

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So, how did I do it?  Here are a few “tips” I’ve learned and try to put into practice:

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  • Attitude is 90% of the battle.  Kids are very perceptive, and they will quickly pick up on your apprehension, fearK7A18D4E1F5F25_1000008 or frustration, regarding small-space sleeping arrangements.  You don’t have to fake it, but I would try really hard to work out your own feelings before working with your kids.  When you have come to a happy place with the idea, then you can start talking it up to your little ones, including them in the planning process.
  • Be creative.  There are wonderful resources out there on how to decorate and put together shared sleeping spaces.  Better Homes and Gardens has a big idea book full of pictures and guides for those of us who need a little jump start.  I also found Pottery Barn Kids to be another excellent resource.  While you may not be able to afford their prices, perusing their website is free, and they have an entire section on how to plan children’s shared sleeping spaces.  Pick and choose the ideas that will work best for your children’s room and go from there.
  • Teach personal responsibility.  The older my children get, the more responsibilities they receive.  The oldest one is takingK7A18D4E1F5F25_1000009 care of her part of the bedroom.  Because we are working with small space, extra clutter, clothes on the floor, and unmade beds are magnified.  For some moms this might not be a big deal, but it is for me.  Therefore, my children have the primary jobs of making their beds in the morning, picking up clothes and putting them away, cleaning up their toys when they are done playing with them, and tidying up their room.  I believe it is very healthy for them to have these responsibilities because one day they will be sharing space at college, dealing with flatmates after college, and then later on in marriage.  What a great skill they are developing in showing respect for others.
  • Find a place for those treasures.  What my children perceive as treasure I tend to perceive as junk.  However, I can’t veryK7A18D4E1F5F25_1000018 well go around throwing all their special things away, as tempting as it is at times.  Therefore, I have made sure that each child has a place (shelves and baskets) where they can stow their special treasures away.  They each have a place to display keepsakes as well as storage for journals, papers, and miscellaneous items they hold dear.  The small space keeps them from saving everything, so they really have to think about what is truly important to them and then get rid of the rest.

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It is becoming more and more common these days for siblings to share bedroom space due to the growing number of families downsizing their homes.  I did my best to give you an overview on how we do things in our home; however, I realize there may be additional questions.  Please don’t hesitate to ask me anything on this topic that you would find helpful.  I am more than happy to share more details with you.

Next week, we’ll take a peek at the master suite – a no-kid zone.

Posted in Life, Motherhood, Small Space Living | 3 Comments »

Who’s Got The Power?

Jul 11th, 2011 by Amy

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Did you know that nothing can, or cannot, happen to you without the approval or knowledge of your heavenly Father?  Did you know that, when trouble comes, there is someone ultimately in control?  Someone who really and truly cares about you and has your best interest in mind.  Nothing, nothing, has more power over your life, or your circumstances, than the power of God.

“Where do you come from?” Pilate asked Jesus, but Jesus gave him no answer.  ”Do you refuse to speak to me?” Pilate said.  ”Don’t you realize I have the power either to free you or to crucify you?”  Jesus answered, “You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above.” John 19:9-11

That’s a pretty weighty declaration Jesus makes.  Pilate thinks he’s the one calling the shots.  He assumes he’s the one with the power over Jesus’ destiny.  What Pilate doesn’t realize is that Jesus’ life is not in his hands.  If God had not given Pilate power, Jesus would not be standing before him with his life on the line.  Jesus knew this.  Jesus understood who he belonged to and for what purpose his death would serve.  Pilate was only a part of the story.

Sometimes I wrestle with this.  I find myself in a challenging situation, and I just want scratch and claw my way out of it.  I don’t want to go through difficulties.  I think maybe there is something I can do to “fix” everything.  And then I read those very simple yet profound  words of Jesus: “You would have no power over me if it had not been given from above.”

Stop for a moment and think about that.  Nothing can have power over me or you unless it has been given from above.  God is in control.  And if he is allowing the pressure of pain to push deep, then he must know that the resurrection of your life, or your dreams, or your hopes, is on its way.  The same power that was given to Pilate is the same power that raised Jesus from the dead!

Nothing can happen to us that hasn’t already passed through God’s hands.  I take great comfort in this, whether it be in the challenges I face raising my children, or when a dream seems to be pushed aside and forgotten.  God is in control.  And I really like the idea of God’s power working in my favor, even if it means facing some disappointments along the way.

Posted in Faith, Grace, Life, Ministry | 4 Comments »

Welcome to my world…lives have changed & so has the living room

Jul 8th, 2011 by Amy

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We’ve lived in our charming little townhome for six years now.  When we moved in, Sydney was barely two years old, and I was still wearing Brooklyn in a baby sling.  The “plan” was to buy something small and affordable, sell in 2-3 years, buy something bigger with a yard and extra bedroom, add baby #3 and live happily ever after.  Then the housing market fell apart, and baby #3 decided to join our family two years earlier than expected.  Six years later we find ourselves “stuck” in our starter home.

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C’est la vie.

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As I mentioned last week, I had to accept the way things are.  Joel and I had to let go of our “plan”.  We had to, or else we would be miserable right now.  And really, there are worse things than being stuck in a small home.  For instance: losing a home, losing a loved one, or losing a job.  I count my blessings that all we lost was our plan.  Sometimes I feel like I just might be losing my mind, but then reality gives me a good smack on the head when my kids say how thankful they are…for our home.

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The downstairs “great room” – consisting of the living room, dining room, and kitchen – is where we do most of our living.  It has evolved quite a bit over the past six years, going from Kiwi Green walls to an updated Gray Morning along with one or two new throw pillows.  We recently transitioned from our kiddie table to bar stools which was a big moment for me.  I’m still a huge fan of my kids’ artwork plastered all over my fridge, and I’m not willing to let that one go just yet.

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A few things that have helped maximize our living space are:

  • Quickly discard anything outgrown or no longer useful (Goodwill practically knows me by name).  For a briefry=400-6 season our house was stuffed with baby items (they take up such a huge amount of space).  If you are in that boat, trust me when I say, this season will pass more quickly than you can bat an eye. Embrace it.  Cherish it.  Enjoy it.  When it’s gone you may have more space, but you won’t have this time again.
  • No coffee table.  I make the most out of our end tables.  Removing the coffee table gives us more floor space and creates an illusion that the room is bigger than it actually is.
  • De-clutter on a regular basis.  Clutter happens.  It’s a fact of life, but it doesn’t have to take over your house.  If you can stay on top of the clutter you’ll feel less and less like the walls are closing in on you.K7A18D4E161CEE_1000003
  • Fill drab spaces with things you love.  I’m very sentimental, and I have dozens of family heirlooms and keepsakes from various travels that I use to decorate.  It doesn’t necessarily create more space, but it will make you feel good.
  • Make it all about you.  I don’t mean this in an egotistical, self-centered type way.  What I mean is, don’t worry about what other people think.  Make your home look and feel the way you want it to.  This may take time.  That’s okay.  Tweaking is one of my favorite hobbies, and the longer I live here, the more this house looks like me.

Thanks for coming over.  I hope you’ve enjoyed.  Next week, we’ll take a look upstairs and talk sleeping arrangements.

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Posted in Life, Small Space Living | 5 Comments »

Welcome to my world…

Jul 1st, 2011 by Amy

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I’ve decided to take a brief break from some of my “deeper” posts to share with you a glimpse into my little world.  Julia, over at Hooked on Houses, posted a story about a family that downsized from their 2500 square foot home to a 320 square foot home.  It was intriguing, to say the least.  And it certainly put some of my “little house” issues into perspective which in turn inspired me to give others a peek into my own small space living.  No.  We don’t live in 320 square feet, nor do we plan to scale down from where we are.  (Heavens, no!)  Compared to this family our house looks like a mansion.  But squeeze a growing, busy family of five into a two-bedroom townhome, and things get interesting.

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I used to say all kinds of evil things about the economy and the downturn of the housing market.  But I discovered, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, that sometimes my plans, my wants, have to adjust.  No good comes from whining, and growth can’t always be measured by the amount of wealth we gain, but by how well we manage what God has given us right now.  Instead of cursing the economy I have found a reason to say thank you.  I’ve learned a great deal about myself and my family by living in a small house.  I have learned how to be creative – turning every square inch into usable living space.  I have learned that extra stuff is just stuff, and I don’t need it.  I have learned how to use color to bring a room alive, and how to comfortably fit three kiddos into one bedroom.  I’ve learned the art of making the most of family dinner time, and how to make sure everyone has a “special” space of their own.  It’s been a challenge, but one I’ve grown to enjoy.

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And so, I want to welcome you to my world.  I want to open up my home and share with you, over the next few weeks, the real stuff that my life is made of.  I hope you’ll enjoy.

Posted in Life, Small Space Living | 6 Comments »

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