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Hello, Rubber…Meet Road

Jun 4th, 2010 by Amy

The journey to find grace doesn’t add up to anything if there aren’t a few real life circumstances to move it from head to heart.  The challenge is not so much letting go and embracing freedom (which can be extremely difficult if you’ve been accustomed to seeing God as a great dictator up on his throne), but rather when the rubber meets the road – when all that God has revealed collides with the demands, stress, expectations and shame that the world out there starts throwing our way.  The safe and warm cocoon where healing took place is exchanged for a wounded world that does not extend grace and mercy the way God intended. 

 

And so, this is where I find myself today. 

 

When the rubber meets the road is when God’s word lights our path.  Each time the enemy brings condemnation, we overcome by embracing truth.  Truth sets us free, but the only way we can know the truth is if we are seeking it out.  We may not understand our circumstances, and we may be up against a battle we are too weary to fight, but God promises to fight for us.  He promises us that he will never leave us.  God is looking at our hearts.  His demands are simple: trust and obey.  His yoke is easy, his burden light.  His expectations are not beyond our reach. 

 

Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”  None.  Not even a speck.  When we fully embrace him, we fully embrace the life of freedom he died to give us.  We are not dead in Christ, but we are alive.  

 

I needed to remember that today.  

 

When the rubber meets the road, the Word of God becomes the lamp to my feet, and the light for my path (Psalm 119:105).

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Posted in Faith, Grace | 2 Comments »

Memorial Day

May 31st, 2010 by Amy

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Last night Joel and I stayed up, as late as I could keep my eyes from going criss-cross from sleepiness, to watch the History channel’s “America: The Story of Us”.  I fell asleep with one thing on my mind, that being the power of the American spirit.

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“Freedom is not free.”

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Carved into the granite wall of the Korean War Memorial, these profound words remind us that it is not only the American spirit that has brought us this far, but it is the sacrifice, service and undaunted courage of our armed forces that have won and secured our freedom.

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Thank you…THANK YOU…to those who have served, to those who are serving, and to those who gave their lives…so we can continue on – The United States of America: the land of the free.

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Posted in Current Events | No Comments »

Summer Give-Away Winner…& Going From Hero To Human

May 28th, 2010 by Amy

First…Congratulations to Tristan…winner of the Summer Reading Give-Away!

Thank you to everyone who participated and shared your favorite must-reads.  I’m adding them to my list for sure!

*Sigh*

Let’s just put it this way, when the day starts out with, “Mommy!  The tooth fairy forgot to put money under Sydney’s pillow last night!” you know you are kicking the day off in a deficit.  Especially when the previous day was filled with super human moments of error.  Yesterday was Sydney’s birthday, and things did not go as planned.  Here’s a little rundown on the past 24 hours…

  • I promised Sydney a scrumptious dinner and birthday cake as she danced her way to the car heading to school yesterday morning.  Two minutes later  Joel reminded me he had a wedding rehearsal in the evening.  He wouldn’t be home.  (I knew this.  It’s been in my day planner for weeks.  It totally slipped my mind.  Not a great moment in mommy history, knowing that when Sydney got home from school I would have to break the news to her that we were going to postpone her birthday dinner.)
  • When Sydney received the news of my broken promise she proceeded to fall apart as though the world was coming to an end.  I took a deep breath and let her cry it out.  After an hour of listening to a very wounded child (she tends to live her life in a perpetual state of drama), I tried to console her.  Even though she had lost a tooth at school and got to wear a paper crown all day, the very fact that I broke my promise was enough to flush her whole day down the toilet.
  • Since Joel was gone I suggested Burger King for dinner (I’m not a fan of fast food, but I needed to find a way to redeem the day).
  • As we entered the garage to load up the car I heard a huge gasp behind me.  I turned to see Sydney spying a poster (that I had made for her Kindergarten graduation filled with pictures and artwork and cherished memories that was being stored in the garage because it was a treasure) wedged underneath my front tire.  It had slipped off the work table and I drove over it…completely oblivious, I swear to you.  The pain in her face was confirmed when she cried out, “How could you!  How could you!  You don’t care about me, or my birthday, or my special poster!  This is the worst day ever!”
  • I stood speechless.
  • Before bed I apologized again.  I wanted to say, “Hey kiddo…I’m only human…get used to being disappointed with me.”  But instead, I wrapped my arms around her and told her how blessed I am to have her as my girl.  How grateful I am that God gave her to me.  And how amazing my life is because she is a part of it.  I told her about the day she was born, how the sun shined and how I loved looking at her 6 pound, 12 ounce, 18 inch body.  How soft her skin was and tiny her toes were.  I could almost smell her fresh-from-the-womb downy hair and wrinkly skin.  Sydney was a beautiful baby, and I love watching her grow into a beautiful little girl.
  • After this treasured moment with my birthday girl, she slipped her tooth under her pillow and smiled up at me.  Tomorrow would be a better day.

And so, today began with, “Mommy!  The tooth fairy forgot to put money under Sydney’s pillow last night!”

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Thankfully, Sydney knows that I am the tooth fairy, and after yesterday I believe her expectations of a super hero mommy have been lowered tremendously.  At seven years of age, my daughter is keenly aware of my humanity, and somehow she still loves and adores me.

So, this evening we will be enjoying a scrumptious dinner, cake and presents in honor of Sydney…our birthday girl.  And tomorrow…she gets her ears pierced.  This birthday is shaping up to be unforgettable…kind of like Sydney herself.  She is truly unforgettable.

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Happy birthday, my sweet girl!  You are more than I could have ever dreamed or hoped for…and I am so blessed to have you.  Your birthday reminds me of the precious gift your life has given to me.  I love you!

Posted in Grace, Motherhood | 6 Comments »

LOST

May 24th, 2010 by Amy

A true sign that you have crossed the line from avid fan to obsessed fan is when you wake up at 5:45am thinking about the show you watched the night before.  So it was with me this morning.  I tossed and turned throughout the short night with thoughts of the LOST series finale running through my mind.  Questions still remain unanswered.  Theories are still percolating among the die hards.  The first word out of my mouth as the ending credits rolled, “What?”  Nothing much has changed since the first episode of the series.  So, as I sit here this morning, veering away from my typical post style, I feel compelled to share my final thoughts on the finale of LOST.  Sit back, scrutinize, and then feel free to add your own comment at the end.

The Losties (as we have come to know them) were a group of lost souls.  Flying together on Oceanic 815, there was not a free soul among them.  Each led a broken life…inhabiting a body of flesh and bones, but lost deep inside.  The one thing they sought out from this life was the one thing that seemed to elude them: redemption.

And then the crash.

What seemed to be the worst thing in the world that could have happened to them was the one thing that brought healing to their lives.  An answer to their unspoken prayers.  Alone in the real world, drawn together, bound together, strong together in the Lost world.  As the island spoke to each one individually, and specifically, we observed inner transformation.  Slow, painful, and sometimes deadly, the work of the island was not so much to discover what it was, but to discover who they were.

In the end, throughout their alternate lives, as they reawakened so to speak, we saw freedom and joy, not terror and fear.  On the island, there was a great deal of horror, yet the memories they reflect upon are the joys of what they island gave to them.

Sun and Jin – redemption in their relationship…and a baby.

Sawyer – freedom from the past and freedom to love.

Hurley – anointed to lead.

Sayid – atonement for his past, a chance to start anew.

Charlie and Claire – souls destined to be together.

Desmond – the constant that drew them all together both on the island and off the island.

Ben – forgiveness…but still incomplete (he has so much to reckon with).

Locke – freedom from the constraints that bound him.  I love what he said to Jack post-surgery and after his reawakening: “I hope someone does for you what you have done for me.”  Redemption.

Kate – the burden of a life set against her, lifted as she learned to love sacrificially and selflessly.

Jack – redemption.  His entire life was spent saving everyone around him, longing to be set free from himself.  And so it was, in the very last scene, that he could let go.  He found what he spent his whole life looking for…freedom and redemption.

A part of me wishes that more of my questions could be answered.  What happened to Richard Alpert?  What was the Dharma Initiative all about?  What about Ellie and Miles and Daniel and Charlotte and Walt and the polar bears and Room 23???  Perhaps these issues were not addressed because they were only peripheral characters and symbols set around the more significant part of the story-  that being the characters themselves.  Their hope for freedom from the distorted lives they were living, and their search for redemption.

They were lost before they crashed on the island.  The island found them…and they finally found themselves.

Not to over-spiritualize LOST, but isn’t it the hard, painful, and almost deadly seasons of our lives that bring us full circle into the grace and redemption of God?  The Losties had to strive for over half the duration of the series to get off the island, but it was the island that actually healed them.  We fight our island circumstances because they are painful, dark, and overwhelming.  But it is through them that God sets us free, redeems us, and allows us to let go.

Hmmm…just a few thoughts.  What do you think?

Posted in Fun Stuff, Random | 2 Comments »

Friday’s Free Advice & A Summer Reading Give-Away!

May 21st, 2010 by Amy

As summer is quickly approaching, I am compiling a stack of books to keep me company at the pool, park, beach, Starbucks, airplane, etc.  I love to read, but find myself shelving much anticipated reading projects as motherhood, wifehood and ministry pull at me like tug-of-war.  I’m not complaining (hear me out).  I love (almost) every dimension of this busy life, however, I miss sitting down, uninterrupted, to read anything I want.

 

Yesterday afternoon I got a jump-start on my summer reading.  A few weeks ago a friend of mine gave me the book, “You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes”, written by Lisa McKay.  I added it to my pile of summer “must-reads”, and turned my focus back to this crazy life I’ve been living.   I have to confess, seeing the book leaning against another lonely book on my shelf, curiosity got the best of me.  I took it down, opened it up and couldn’t pull my eyes away until I heard Joel walk in the door at 6pm.  (Jackson and Brooklyn played quietly and peacefully the entire afternoon…I know…it was nothing short of a miracle, and, what I can only believe to be confirmation that I was supposed to read this book.)

 

In any case, with only a few chapters left, I have successfully knocked out one book on my summer reading list.  At this pace, I fear I may have nothing left to read by the time June 18th rolls around! 

 

With summer reading on my mind, I thought I would share with you my list (you may find some inspiration and add a few to your own).  Here we go…starting summer off with a splash… 

 

Amy’s Summer Reads (thus far…)

 

As you can see…it’s a little weak.  That’s where you come in!  Instead of me dishing out free advice today, it is your turn to advise me!  Send me your book recommendations (fiction and non-fiction alike).  I could really use some inspiration.  And since we’re on the subject of good reads, I thought, in turn, I would help jump start one of your own reading lists.  By leaving a comment, you will enter yourself in the “All I Need Is Jesus, And A Good Pair of Jeans“, by Susanna Foth Aughtmon, give-away.  This was on my summer reading list last year, and I polished it off in one day.  (You may recall a recent review I wrote  on her second book, “My Bangs Look Good And Other Lies I Tell Myself”.)   Instructions for this give-away are as follows:

 

  • Leave a comment with a good book recommendation.
  • Winner will be randomly chosen and announced in next week’s Friday’s Free Advice (only those living in the continental U.S. eligible to win).

 

It’s as simple as that, my friends!   Let’s go summer!

Posted in Books, Fun Stuff | 5 Comments »

Super-Hero Mom

May 19th, 2010 by Amy

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I’ll bet you didn’t know that I’m a super hero.  Are you gasping from surprise?  This is new to me, too, as I was just informed by Jackson today- right after I killed a spider and flushed it down the toilet- that I am a super hero.  I can wield a mean wad of toilet paper, people.  There are no insects that can out wit this super-hero mom.

 

After relishing for a few minutes in my new found super-ness, I started thinking about how awesome motherhood is.  Too often, I focus on all the mistakes I make and completely overlook all the things I do that keep my home safe and sound.  So, I came up with a list of super hero qualities that I believe every mom shares.  This one’s for all you supermoms out there who don your sweats, clean up spills, carpool, change diapers, and still have time to brush your teeth…all in a single bound:

 

Super-Hero Moms…

  • Thwart bugs with shoes, tissue, and sometimes (when desperate times call for desperate measures) bare-handed.
  • Can get spaghetti sauce stains out of pretty much anything.
  • Have mastered the art of boo-boo kissing and tear-wiping.
  • Make silly faces and perform Irish Riverdance for their children (leaving no trace of evidence behind).
  • Turn Rascal Flatt’s “Life is a Highway” into a bedtime lullaby for a very eager little boy.
  • Make mac-n-cheese look like fine-dining.
  • Turn vacuuming into a fun game of chase.
  • Recite at least one Disney movie word-for-word.
  • Nurse a baby while using the toilet, and talk on the phone all at the same time.
  • Listen to the “why?” behind the “what?”.
  • Love unconditionally
  • And toot her family’s praises louder than a train horn.

 

If you said, “I do” to anything on this list then you, too, are a super hero.

 

It’s snack time…and time for this supermom to get to work…until next time…

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Posted in From The Mouth Of Babes, Motherhood | 1 Comment »

The “Face”

May 17th, 2010 by Amy

I have a love/hate relationship with make-up.  I love it because it covers up all most of my facial flaws, and adds color so I don’t look nearly as tired as I actually feel.  I hate it because it is such a hassle to apply and remove.  If I could simply leave my house “as is” I would be perfectly happy.  However, “as is” is scary.  I know this for a fact because my children, who have no motivation for lying, have told me flat out, “Mommy, you look scary.”  So, you see, make-up, while somewhat of a chore, is a necessity.

 

I have a friend who very rarely wears make-up, and looks beautiful.  She has that even-tone-silky-smooth-I-want-to-hate-you-but-I-love-you-because-you-are-my-friend kind of skin.  She has truly been blessed.  Me…not so much.  Therefore, I leave my make-up free days for the weekend and my family.

 

I remember my mom referring to her make-up as her “face”.  She couldn’t go anywhere without putting her “face” on.  As a little girl I thought that sounded crazy.  I totally get it now.  The “face” is the identity that the world out there has come to recognize, know, and feel comfortable with.  If I were to show up to church on a Sunday morning without my face, there would probably be some concern.  Or maybe perhaps a few horrified individuals.  Like I said, I look scary.

 

There’s another “face” I wear.  This “face” is the person everyone out there sees every single day.  The person who says “hi” in the church foyer, or forgets to say “hi” because she’s running late to pick up one of her kids from Sunday school.  This is the “face”, or persona, that everyone around me has come to know, to some degree, and feel comfortable with (or at least, come to grips with).  To be honest, there are mornings when I wake up and I don’t particularly feel like putting my “face” on.  I’m tired.  I’m stressed.  I’ve spent most of the night worrying about my family, the future (not a very spiritual thing to do, I know…but I confess, it happens).  I get overwhelmed.  I feel lonely.  And yet, I know that if I were to walk out my door without putting on my “face” I might make a lot of people feel very uncomfortable…I might scare them.

 

I don’t think I’m the only woman on the planet that feels like this, even though sometimes it would appear that way.  I would imagine we all have a deep desire to be known and accepted without our make-up on.  To know that more than just our families will accept the scary two-toned skin that lies beneath the Clinique foundation.  And if we were all perfectly honest, while we so desperately want to be make-up free with each other, we, too, find it difficult to allow others to be make-up free with us.  I say this not to point a finger, but really because as God has been working in my life in the area of grace, this has been a key issue he has brought to light.  As God lavishes me with undeserved grace and mercy, I find him challenging me to do the same for others.  I haven’t always hit the nail on the head, but thankfully, God forgives and gives me a second chance.

 

God’s grace is sufficient for me…and it is also sufficient for you.  God’s grace poured out for, and in, me, is the grace he desires for me to pour out on others.

 

One powerful thing I am learning on this grace journey is that as I accept this unconditional gift and apply it to my life, the need to wear my inner “face” begins to fade away.  I don’t have anything to be ashamed of, fearful of, or embarrassed about.  I am fully known by God, and feel the freedom to be fully known by others.  It may look rough, and it may lack polish, but it’s the real thing.  It is the face without the “face”.  The face that God loves, accepts and has chosen.  And more importantly, the part of me that will ultimately reflect Jesus to others…which is truly my heart’s desire…above all else.

 

2 Corinthians 3:18

“And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”


My hope…my prayer…for my face to reflect the true face of God….one day at a time…one step of grace at a time…

Posted in Faith, Grace, Life, Ministry | 1 Comment »

Friday’s Free Advice

May 14th, 2010 by Amy

I have issues.  This should come as no surprise to those of you who read my blog regularly.  I wrestle with waiting on God, I struggle with insecurity, I have to cling to God’s grace on a daily basis, and work harder on this whole marriage and parenting thing than I have worked on anything else in my life.  

 

And that’s not all. 

 

I worry. 

 

I worry a lot.  

 

Fear is a battle for me.  

 

When I am in a “good” place emotionally, spiritually and physically I can quickly recognize my fear triggers, and rise above them.  However, when I am tired, stressed, dealing with a difficult child, at odds with Joel, and doggy paddling my way through the waves of unpredictability, I am not so quick to resist worry.  My mind blows things out of proportion.  

 

And I end up exhausted.

 

Realizing this about myself, I have learned a few things about how to regain control of my emotions, and pull myself up out of this pit.  There are four little steps I take to move from living overwhelmed to overcoming living.  This is today’s Friday’s Free Advice:

 

  • Spiritual dimension:  Read the Word of God!

Matthew 6:25-27, 33-34“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more important than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (NIV)

 

God’s word takes away the confusion and distorted messages my mind conjures up.  It brings me back to the truth, and truth trumps fear every. single. time.

 

  • Physical dimension: Get some rest! 

Go to bed early.  Take a day, or morning, to flop around the house.  Schedule it into your week, if need be.  I know life gets really busy (I know this because we are busy quite frequently).  I also know that when I have gone too long without rest I burn out.  In fact, this morning as I write this, I am sitting here in my jammies with a cup of coffee on my desk.  I am resting.

 

  • Relational dimension:  Deal with it!

This is probably the most difficult step for me, and I can’t say that I do well in this dimension consistently.  However, I am learning and growing (remember…I am clinging to grace on a daily basis!). 

 

Just last night Joel and I had a long heart-to-heart.  It was a much needed talk, and as I anticipated bringing things up to him I was a wreck internally.  Yet, it proved to be a powerful moment in our relationship.  Instead of avoiding and pushing issues aside, we confronted, listened to each other, talked them out (until 12am), and drew closer as husband and wife. 

 

  • Soul dimension:  Pray!

 The famous philosopher of the 90’s, M.C. Hammer, once rapped, “You’ve got to pray just to make it today…Come on, let’s pray.”  Okay…a little cheesy, but he was totally right.  I really do need to pray just to make it today!   

 

When I’ve saturated my mind in the truth of God’s word, addressed any physical or relational issues, I then wrap them up in prayer.  By this time, fear has vanished and my heart, mind and soul are back on track.  Life will constantly try to throw curve balls, but keeping the focus the One who will carry us through them all is the greatest comfort of all.

 

As we drifted off to sleep last night, Joel prayed over us.  It was the sweetest night’s rest I’ve had in a long time. 

 

Isaiah 26:3  “Thou will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.” (KJV)

Posted in Faith, Fun Stuff, Life | 2 Comments »

Something To Be Thankful For…

May 12th, 2010 by Amy

I spent an unmentionable amount of time staring blankly at my computer screen yesterday afternoon.  I was trying to write up a post for today, but my mind was drawing a blank.  I pulled up a post-in-process and tinkered around with it for a while, but it still isn’t ready.  I perused facebook and twitter to kill time (perhaps hoping for divine inspiration of some sort).  Before I knew it, Jackson was up from his nap, and all the quiet uninterrupted time I had reserved for writing was gone, and I had nothing to show for it. 

 

I thought maybe I could jump back on the computer once Jackson and Brooklyn found their play groove, but not so much.  Brooklyn asked me to help her make a thank you note for a friend…and I did.  Jackson pulled on my arm and asked me to play with him…and I did.  The afternoon belonged to my kids, and my post went unwritten.

 

In my mind, the day had been a waste.  I didn’t get anything accomplished that I had hoped.  I was even behind on getting the laundry done.  By dinner time I was feeling out of sorts.  Then, as we went around the table before dinner, and shared what we were thankful for that day, my heart was deeply touched by what my family had to say.

 

Jackson was thankful for the usual – Mom, Dad, Brooklyn, Sydney and Jackson (yes, he is always thankful for himself – we view this as a positive sense of self) – and then he added another item to his thankful list.  Jackson said he was thankful for me, because I played with him.

 

Sydney was next.  With her arms flailing for dramatic effect, she declared that she was thankful for having a great…GREAT…day.  This, too, touched my heart because she had been on my mind a lot throughout the day, and each time I would whisper a little prayer for her. 

 

Then came Brooklyn.  Brooklyn was thankful that I helped her write a thank you note.  She is such a sweetheart.  I didn’t really put a lot thought into how much my time would mean to her, but evidently, it meant enough that she remembered and was thankful.

 

It was Joel’s turn next.  He paused then simply expressed that he was thankful for “Mommy”. 

 

Right then and there I was reminded that, although on paper I may not have much to show for my day, it was not a waste.  I did the most important job in the world.  I was the mommy God created me to be for these four amazing people in my life.  For each person it may look a little different, and as we are faithful to be who we were intended to be, we can make a huge impact on our world.

 

I had asked God yesterday morning to reveal himself to me in a personal way.  Through my family God spoke something sweet to my soul.  As much as they are thankful for me…I am so very thankful for them. 

 

And once again I was reminded of how much I have to rejoice and be glad in!

Posted in Life, Motherhood | 2 Comments »

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Mother…

May 10th, 2010 by Amy

Sydney handed me a brown paper sack on Friday afternoon.  Inside was a collection of Mother’s day projects she had been working on in her first grade classroom over the course of several weeks.  I unfolded a piece of composition paper where she had written something about me with a lovely illustration of the two of us.  This is what Sydney wrote:

 

“The most important thing about my Mommy is that she loves to read her Bible.  She likes puppies!  BUT the most important thing about my Mommy is that she loves to read her Bible.”

 

Just so we’re clear, I love to read my Bible…according to Sydney.  I smiled when I read her composition, and my heart was warmed to think that, from my little six-year-old daughter’s perspective, this would be the most important thing about me.

 

I don’t know about you, but I absolutely love Mother’s Day.  I love it more than my birthday.  I love waking up Mother’s Day morning knowing that because of three precious little souls, who call me by a number of different names - ”Mom”…”Mommy”…”Mama”…”Mother” (often repeated numerous times with varying voice tones and inflections) - this day is for me.

 

I love Mother’s Day because I am reminded of my own Mom.

 

My mom could turn a two bedroom, concrete floored, 800 square foot condo in Kenya into home sweet home.  Her fingerprints are all over my own home today – there’s a touch of my mom everywhere I go.

 

My mom could turn a seemingly disastrous eyes-closed-for-my-sixth-grade-school-pictures into something to smile about and be proud of.

 

She has been my biggest cheerleader, confidant, mentor and friend.

 

And the most important thing about my mom is that she loves to read her Bible.

 

Down the road, when Sydney picks up her little girl from school, maybe – just maybe – she’ll open up a little gift sack with a handwritten note about her and read, “The most important thing about my mom is that she loves to read her Bible…”

 

Being a mom is not just about changing diapers, shuttling kids from school to sports to church and home again.  It’s not simply making sure they eat their veggies and do their homework.  Being a mom is modeling the kind of person we want our children to become.  Leading by example in everything…everything…we do.

 

I love being a mom.  I know I mess up a lot, but I am encouraged that the most important people in my life are discovering the most important thing in life through my life.

 

This may be a day too late, but I just want to wish my mom, and all my dear and amazing mom friends, a very Happy Mother’s Day!

Posted in From The Mouth Of Babes, Motherhood | 2 Comments »

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