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A Premature Goodbye

Jun 23rd, 2009 by Amy

Two years ago today my grandmother passed away. She was 81 years old. Nanny had shared sixty beautiful years with my grandfather, left behind a son, two granddaughters and three great-grandchildren. Her legacy was one of strength, self-sacrifice and trust in God. She had weathered the Great Depression as a child, went to work during World War II, took in my grandfather’s siblings when their mother passed away, raised her family while working full time and remained devoted to my grandfather through sickness, health, feast and famine. Still, as I sat through her funeral I couldn’t help but feel that Nanny had left us way too soon. I don’t think I would ever have been ready to let my grandmother go – there’s never a good time to say goodbye.

Today I received word that a friend of mine from high school had to say goodbye to his eight month old baby girl two days ago…on Father’s Day. I have read his blog to catch up on this saga, and I find myself sharing in this family’s grief. Oh God, how could this be? This precious baby girl, who only had eight months to share with her family, is now in the arms of her Heavenly Father. I can not even imagine the sorrow, the questions…the premature goodbye. I know that God is with them – I hear the strength in the words they write. I also know this is only the beginning of a long road through the grief and the pain.

I struggle as I write this, my mind swirling with thoughts of my friend and his family. I look at my own little brood and a flood of emotion washes over me. I want to scoop each one of my children up and squeeze them tight – how grateful I am for their health, their energy, their smiles, their cries, from the hair on their heads to their wiggly little toes…every detail. While I’m dealing with temper tantrums and sibling rivalry, my friend is dealing with the pain of never again hearing the sound of his little girl’s cry. The perspective is convicting. We may not have much – our house may be too small, our bank account sadly deficient and holding on to our sanity may be the only thing we accomplish on any given day. However, I am so thankful for all of it. I’m thankful that my home is filled with the sounds of children laughing and crying, jumping and running. This perspective, while convicting, brings me to a fresh awareness of how blessed I am. Not blessed because of any external or material thing, but I am blessed in the little things. And for these blessings, I am truly grateful.

Thinking back to my grandmother, I recall all of the experiences I was able to share with her, the conversations we had, the Christmases, the stories. Even if I think my time with her was too short, saying goodbye was filled with hundreds of memories that I can hold on to for the rest of my life. While I wasn’t prepared to say goodbye to Nanny, it was not premature. God knows how many years, days and months we will live on this earth. “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be,” Psalm 139:16. Whether we get to live eighty years, or life ends at eight months, God has ordained each one of those days. It is more difficult to understand the purpose of only eight months, but somehow God’s plan will unfold in time. In this moment I see this baby’s departure as a premature goodbye, but as time goes on I am certain God will prove me wrong. He will reveal a purpose beyond what I, or her family, could possibly comprehend.

My heartfelt prayers go out to my friend, his wife and their families today. I realize nothing I say will ease the pain of their loss. I know that God is with them. He will guide them through the grief, be a listening ear in the wee hours of the night when the pain seems most intense and hold them tightly in His grasp when they feel they are falling apart. Like I said at the beginning, there’s never a good time to say goodbye, however I would imagine a premature goodbye would be the most difficult one to say.

In conclusion: I will keep praying for my friend. And as I pray for this family, I will continue thanking God for each moment, day and year that I am so blessed to share with my own family. For God has ordained each one of our days, and I want to cherish each one, no matter how few or how many we get to experience together.

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Posted in Faith, Life | 2 Comments »

Mother Of The Year

May 13th, 2009 by Amy

Just pin a badge on me and call me “Mother of the Year!” :) I received, by far, one of the best compliments I could receive – as a mom – this morning. Here’s what happened:

My 4-year-old daughter, Brooklyn, has ballet class on Wednesday mornings. At her dance school there is a small waiting room where the moms can sit and wait while their little ones are in class. Because Brooklyn’s class is thirty minutes long I try to bring snacks for Jackson and something for him to play with. Most of the time he just wants to run around and find the very thing he is not supposed to get into and, of course, get into it. I get a thirty-minute workout every week while I “wait” for Brooklyn’s class to be over. Not only is Jackson busy, but also he is two years old. (Do I really need to elaborate on that? – I think we are all familiar with the challenges of keeping a 2 year old contained in a small space! :)

So this morning, I had a minute to sit down while my precious son had found some blocks to play with for a minute or two. As I took a brief break, one of the other moms with whom we share the waiting room, said to me, “Wow! You are so patient with him!” I let out a deep sigh and simply said, “Thank you.” I didn’t have time to talk any further as Jackson was – at that very moment – turning the light switch off in the room.

As I spent the rest of the class time – trying earnestly to keep Jackson distracted from all of the “no, no’s” – I did so with a new sense of confidence. Maybe you are like me, in that, most of the time I am so absorbed in the present moment with my kids – keeping them safe, guiding them, meeting their needs, setting boundaries – that I often times forget that people are watching me. I get so wrapped up in just trying to survive some of these more challenging moments that the rest of the world disappears around me. I don’t really see myself as being patient with my kids. In fact, I pray daily…sometimes minute-by-minute, for patience and grace to handle all the “stuff” my kids bring my way. I usually feel like I am failing at it.

Then, this morning, that sweet mom in the waiting room made a personal observation, and the rest of my day was made! I know I don’t always handle things so well, and I’ve messed up in public before. However, today I feel like “Mother of the Year”.

Galatians 5:22 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

I want my life to be a reflection of God, and when I exhibit – even in it’s most raw form – one of the fruits of the Spirit, I find myself encouraged. Progress is being made. I feel infused with strength and energy, and I am ready to tackle both the little things and the big things. (Even as I write this Jackson is pulling stuffing out of one of the playroom pillows – God is growing patience in me for sure!)

I will conclude with this thought (if I try to drag this out any longer I’m afraid I may have no throw pillow left): I honestly don’t expect to get a “Mother of the Year” badge or anything like that. I’m not looking for one. The reason I even feel worthy of an award today is because I exhibited patience while dealing with my busy two-year-old, to the point that someone noticed. Do I do it to be noticed? No. However, I am encouraged that patience was flowing through me when I needed it the most, and I bore the reflection of Christ to a group of moms who may have no idea who Christ is, as well as to my energetic and curious two-year-old boy. Mission accomplished…for today!

Posted in Motherhood | No Comments »

Mother’s Day

May 10th, 2009 by Amy

My mom was in the hospital this week due to fever, extreme dehydration and asthma. Fortunately the doctors were able to get everything under control and send her home in good condition. In fact, when I spoke with my mom yesterday she was already talking about preparations she and my dad are making for a seminar they are speaking at next weekend! I’m so grateful that her sickness didn’t become something more serious and that she is quickly getting back to her normal self.

Still, this incident with my mom really made me stop and think about “moms” and “motherhood”. I thought a lot about my own mom in particular. She is my mentor, friend, confidant and hero. I find myself, as an adult, deeply desiring to become more and more like her. Growing up my mom always had a way of turning a seemingly tragic situation into something we could laugh about. For example, when I was in sixth grade my eyes were closed in my yearbook picture. I came home from school the day we received our picture packets mortified and certain I could never show my face to my classmates – or anyone at school, for that matter – ever again. Instead of taking pity on me, and wallowing with me in my sorrow, my mom lovingly convinced me that this was not the end of the world and that we could most certainly find a way to laugh away the embarrassment. She was right, and we did. In fact, my mom has the best sense of humor – far surpassing that of, just about, anyone I know. When I think things can’t get any worse, or I find myself sinking deeper and deeper into the pit of despair, I simply ask myself, “What would Mom do?”

As I look at my own children – all three of them – I often wonder, “What will they say about me when they are grown?” Will they remember how I was able to find the silver lining in the difficult situations, or will I be known for shriveling up or cowering in fear when life gets tough? Will they remember me as a model of not taking myself too seriously, or will they always see me as someone who doesn’t laugh enough?

Proverbs 31:25 says: “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” (How I long to be like that!) A little further on in that chapter it says in verse 28, “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.” Can you imagine being a woman who not only walks with strength, dignity and a darn good sense of humour, but one whose husband and children honour her with praise and respect? It may seem like a dream too far out of reach, but I believe it is a challenge worth investing my heart and soul into.

I know I have a long way to go before I become anything remotely as great as my mom – or the Proverbs 31 woman – but I have a wonderful role model who encourages me to keep up the good work. Being a mom is a tough job, but my hope is that I may be able to face the ups and downs – and sometimes the “sideways” – with strength, dignity and a great sense of humour!

Posted in Motherhood | 2 Comments »

Mood Swings (From MomsConnect March 2009)

May 5th, 2009 by Amy

I was out and about this morning, taking Brooklyn to ballet class, running a few errands, and I could not believe how many times the weather changed in a few short hours! One minute it was raining, the next minute the sun popped out…then the wind…back to the rain…and then the sky turned blue accompanied by showers. It’s like the weather has multiple personality disorder!

Honestly, I think there are days when I can relate to today’s weather. One minute I’m crying and feeling blue, the next minute I’m filled with sunshine and happiness…then someone starts throwing a temper tantrum and it feels like a strong wind is blowing through the house…which brings us back to the tears again!

I can’t tell you how grateful I am that God is steady and consistent during my mood swings and regardless of which way the wind blows, or whether or not the sun is shining. God is faithful. Days like this are a reminder to me that I cannot rely on my own strength, or even solely on others, to raise my children and be the best wife I can be. I need God to shine the light on my path when the clouds come, hold me steady when the wind blows and cover me with His umbrella of peace when the rain begins to pour. So, if the sun is shining in this moment today, be grateful for it and enjoy it! If you are reading this and the rain is coming down and the sky is gray, remember that blue skies are just around the corner!

Posted in Faith | 1 Comment »

My “Ah-Ha” Moment

Apr 29th, 2009 by Amy

“Children are not things to be molded, but people to be unfolded.” – Unknown

I had an “ah-ha” moment this week.

My husband and I are taking a parenting class. Part of our homework was to take a behavior assessment, and then do a simplified one for each of our children. There are four main temperaments: The “Doer” – takes charge, doesn’t believe in the word ‘no’, strong-willed, intense; the “Expressive” – talkative, demonstrative, energetic, social, ‘life of the party’; the “Relater” – warm, caring, laid back, sensitive to the needs of others; and the “Thinker” – analytical, processing, reserved, thoughtful, introspective.

Here are the results we found in our family:

Dad – High “Doer” and “Expressive”
Mom – High “Relater” and “Thinker”
Child #1 – “Doer”/”Expressive”
Child #2 – “Expressive/”Relater”
Child #3 – “Doer”/”Thinker”

Three out of five in my family are “doers”, one is highly “expressive”, and then there is me. The relater. The thinker. The temperament that craves peace, tranquility and calm, rational thought and step-by-step process. If I were to describe my family in three words they would be: “DRAMA”, “INTENSITY” and “PASSION”. Do you see where I might feel a little like a duck out of water?

Here is my “ah-ha” moment.

I have often felt discouraged and much frustration as a parent because I can’t seem to keep my home quiet and calm, and my children soft-spoken and reserved. When I am out with my three little ones there is much bustle and energy, noise and opinions. For a long time I have believed that somewhere along the way I messed up – that I haven’t been training and leading them adequately – and, therefore, something must be wrong with ME. Then we did this behavior assessment. My perspective has completely changed. I came to the realization that with the temperaments represented in my home, there will always be commotion, noise, energy, passion, drama, excitement, talking, expressive story-telling, and intense outbursts of feeling and emotion. My home will NEVER be sedate. My home will always be ALIVE. You’ve heard, “The hills are alive, with the sound of music…” Well, my home is alive with sound of Slaters.

And that’s okay. Realizing this has helped me look at my children, and even my husband, in a new light. Instead of molding them into a shape or design that suits me – or even the perceived expectations of others – my challenge as their mother is to unfold what God has ordained and woven together in my womb, with His guidance and help. It’s not about letting them go wild and unruly – that would be irresponsible. It’s about discovering them, learning them, nurturing their strengths and applying godly instruction to make them into the people that God designed them to be.

In conclusion, God blessed me with these little ones. He has given me everything I need to train them up, guide them and discover all the beauty and potential that lies within them – unfolding, not molding.

Posted in Life, Motherhood | 3 Comments »

Book-ation

Apr 27th, 2009 by Amy

Book-ation: def. – to take a break/hiatus from routine reading habits – books, articles, etc. – replacing them with literature not ordinarily read.

 

I’m on a “book-ation”.

 

Usually what one might find on my nightstand are books covering a myriad of topics like parenting, spiritual development/disciplines, marriage, counseling, Bible study, etc.   While I was wasting a few minutes (hours) on facebook, I came across a “note”.   In this particular “note” was a list of 100 classic pieces of literature.   The instructions were to put an “X” next to the books that one has read.   As I surveyed the list of classic lit. I realized, to my chagrin, I had only read about 24 books out of 100.   I felt so…so…illiterate!   Since being out of school (which was the only reason I read any of those 24 – well, maybe it was more like 15…or 10…my memory is getting a little fuzzy on the details – books was because I had to for English Lit. class), I realized there is an entire part of my brain that is not getting any exercise what-so-ever.   I call this the really, really intellectual part (I know, I can’t believe I came up with that all by myself either).   Not to say that what I read now is for dummies.   It simply doesn’t challenge me intellectually.   The reading I do these days challenges me in ministry, home, marriage, spiritual growth, etc.   However, intellectually?   Not so much.

 

So, after perusing through the “100 classic books” list, I made the decision that I am going to take a “book-ation”.   My first victim: “Anna Karenina”, by Leo Tolstoy.   In high school just the name Tolstoy made me shiver with fear and intimidation.   I’m older now and decided to take the plunge.   For however long it takes me to complete this novel (hopefully I can knock it out in under a year), I am putting all other extra-curricular reading on hold.   (There are a few books/articles I am committed to read, anything additional is staying on the shelf until I complete “Anna Karenina”.)   This is my “book-ation”.

 

Once completed, I’ll be sure to write up a review.

Posted in Books | 3 Comments »

Be Strong And Courageous

Apr 26th, 2009 by Amy

One thing I love about the Bible is that it really brings out the “human-ness” of the characters that fill its pages. It is refreshing to know that these men and women that I admire so much were human and struggled with many of the same issues that I struggle with today. How many times does the Bible speak about the issue of fear? More than I can count. God’s word is packed with scriptures that encourage us to “fear not”, “do not be afraid”, “do not worry”, “be strong and courageous”.

“Be strong and courageous.” That simple, yet very powerful, statement is found four times in the first chapter of Joshua. It makes me think that perhaps Joshua might have felt a tad bit overwhelmed as he looked upon his current situation. The fears, doubts and insecurities he must have been dealing with internally were enough for God to encourage him over and over, “be strong and courageous.” God also knew the challenges that lay before Joshua, and knew that Joshua needed absolute confirmation of God’s presence in his life.

Verse 9 says: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” God wasn’t only giving Joshua an encouraging word, but he was also commanding Joshua to be strong and courageous. Regardless of how big the obstacles ahead may have appeared or impossible the situation, God wanted Joshua’s confidence to come from an unwavering faith and assurance that God would be with him wherever he went.

I believe God wants us to walk ahead through our own circumstances, fears and challenges with that same confidence, peace and assurance. “Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged.” With God with us we can look at that mountain that seems impossible to conquer, and we can tell that mountain, with absolute confidence, security and power, to MOVE. Whatever your mountain is, know that God is with you WHEREVER YOU GO, and He has commanded us to BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS! Trust in the Lord. He will never leave you nor forsake you!

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I’m A Liar!

Apr 25th, 2009 by Amy

I had just finished giving Sydney – age five – her goodnight kiss. I started to leave the bedroom when all of a sudden Sydney cried out with great emotion, “I’m a LIAR!!!” This stopped me in my tracks. I turned around to look at her and asked, “What honey?” She was sobbing and said it again, “I’m a liar…I lied at school.” “Hmmm,” I’m thinking to myself, “This could be interesting.” So I went over to her bed, and I asked her to tell me what happened and if she could explain to me what she meant. Through tears she said, “Mommy, I’m a liar. I told the kids at school that I have a gold fish at home (sniff, sniff…) and I don’t have any gold fish…I’m a liar!” It was so hard not to laugh. Her confession was sweet and innocent. I asked her if she wanted to pray and ask God to forgive her. She said yes, and we prayed and asked for God’s forgiveness. Then I told her that everything was okay. God had forgiven her, and she didn’t need to worry about it anymore.

The following morning I called my mom, who lives in South Africa, because this was a story that definitely merited a phone call. Mom and I laughed and laughed as I relayed the details of Sydney’s confession to me the night before. When we finally regained our composure and could talk again, my mom reminded me of a similar story that starred me at age five. I had told all the boys and girls in my class that my Mommy sold balloons at the circus. (In the mind of a kindergartener, selling balloons at the circus must have seemed like a pretty awesome job to have.)

All in all, I guess my conclusion is this: what goes around comes around.

Posted in From The Mouth Of Babes | No Comments »

God Speaks In The Silence

Apr 24th, 2009 by Amy

Recently I had the privilege of speaking to a group of women on “The Woman At the Well”. I had four months to prepare. During those four months I prayed, researched, meditated, fasted and wrote incessantly on the Samaritan Woman – I was completely immersed in all things “Woman At The Well”! Every time I sat down to work on my message I found myself crying as so many points in her story echoed my own life.

With three young children (ages 5, 4 and 2), I have found that the only way for me to have uninterrupted time to pray is by waking up at 5:30am. During the four months of preparation I found myself eager to get up every morning to spend quiet time with the Lord. I couldn’t open my Bible without some passage of scripture jumping out at me, or a new light being shone on one I’ve read dozens of times. It was like I had this private audience with God on a consistent basis. He was speaking to me in everything, and I was soaking it up as much as I possibly could. Amazing.

The day finally came when I was to share my message. I gave it my all. I had come to a point, before I spoke, that regardless of how much or how little feedback I may receive, I knew that God had given me a word to share. I was humbled, truly, by the overwhelmingly positive response I got from women of all ages. I have to say that the words of affirmation touched me deeply. God was faithful that morning.

Then 5:30am the next day rolled around, and the morning after that…and the morning after that…and the morning after that – still meeting with God. However, something was different. There were no bright lights and bursts of enlightenment. Getting up to meet with God was becoming more and more difficult – almost tedious (and I hate to admit that). Why? Simple, because my prayers and meditations seemed to be falling on deaf ears, and I was left with no response. Rather than God speaking to me I found myself sitting in God’s silence. My quiet time was too quiet.

Today I was thinking about this. I threw the question “out there” (“Where are you God – why are you being so quiet? I’m not feeling the love!”) figuring I would get no answer. Then something crossed my mind – a simple thought, “Be still and know that I am God.”

Hmmm…be still and know.

Lamentations 3:25-27 (The Message)
“God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks.
It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God.
It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times.”

It’s not about feeling. It’s not about the enlightenment and thrill of the experience. It is all about the search, the stillness, the quiet moments, the waiting, the persevering and the hope in God. I love those seasons when God seems to be “heard” not in whispered tones but almost audibly. However, my faith and my ability to truly KNOW God will only grow during these silent seasons. True faith – mature faith – is believing and trusting that God is here with me even when there is darkness all around and His voice is in the shadows. While I wait, I will seek, and while I seek, I will hope. God is still there. He’s still completing the work He began in me. He is still speaking to me however, at this time God is speaking in the silence.

As I am still I will know that He is God, and if I am quiet enough I might just hear Him whisper something new and fresh deep within my soul.

Posted in Faith | 1 Comment »

Blogging

Apr 24th, 2009 by Amy

I said there was no way I would ever succomb to the ever popular world of blogging. My husband has a saying that blogging is for people who think the world wants to hear what they think and say just as much as they like to share it.

Then my husband went to a conference for work. He came home and asked me if I wanted to start a blog. I looked at him in disbelief, laughed at him and said “heck no!” However, he had been converted to the world of the blogger and quietly encouraged me to just think about it.

Honestly, if people don’t listen to me when I am actually talking to them, what makes me think anyone will listen to me when I write? Seriously.

I thought about it. I do a lot of writing…mostly just for my own peace of mind. I’m not that good at it…yet. I have a dream to one day write a book, and I really don’t share that with very many people either. I am in the process of growing, maturing, developing and discovering. It is hard to be vulnerable and allow – God knows who – to observe from “cyber” distance the many growing pains I am currently, and will in the future, experience.

However, I caved. I decided to give it a go. Take a dive into the World Wide Web of blogging and blabbing.

I don’t know how well or often I will be able to sustain and keep it up. My hope is that, if anything, it will give me more purpose for writing and sharing my life, that will, I pray, touch and encourage someone else in the process.

Posted in Random, Writing/Blogging | 1 Comment »

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