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Laid Bare

Jul 1st, 2009 by Amy

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“I am just a woman. One woman freaking out on a planet full of a lot of other women who, I think, are also freaking out. It’s not just the ones with kids. Those of us who have kids are just laid bare more easily because our children know us for who we really are and they tell on us.” – Susanna Foth Aughtmon, from “All I Need Is Jesus & A Good Pair Of Jeans”. (TiredSupergirl.com)

(This is actually my THIRD try at getting this post typed and uploaded. I’ve had a little “help” from some eager hands that have managed to delete my previous two attempts. Hmmm…patience…not perfection.)

We were at the airport waiting for our flight to Orlando. Jackson’s diaper was stinky, so I took him to the bathroom for a quick change. (There is a strange, yet very real, phenomenon that takes place in my bladder when I enter a restroom. Regardless of whether or not I needed to go before I walked inside, once I am surrounded by the sound of multiple toilets flushing simultaneously, I desperately feel the need to “go”. So it was on this occasion.)

After I finished changing the poopie diaper I found an empty stall and hauled my little man in there with me. I really needed to go and was doing the potty dance that I so often see my girls doing when they’ve waited too long. Jackson thought it was pretty cool and threw himself on the floor (yes…that gross, disgusting airport bathroom floor!). I was too busy getting myself situated to stop him. Of course, once on the floor my ornery little two-year-old started to see endless possibilities for mischief. He peaked under the stall to see who was occupying the next one over. I gasped and pulled him back towards me. Then, he snuck a peak under the other side. Again, I pulled him back and in my sweetest motherly voice said, “Jackson, we don’t do that.” (And I know he was thinking, “Oh yes we do!”) Then, like lightening speed Jackson shot under the stall door and started climbing to his feet…ready for the sweet taste of freedom. I was STILL on the potty! I leaped forward and grabbed his left foot all the while my pants were down around my ankles…tooshy in the sky. Jackson was laughing and squealing with delight – no doubt because of the grunts and gasps coming from my side of the bathroom stall. I held on to his foot for dear life and pulled him back inside with me. I literally had to keep one hand on him as I finished up. I could see it in his pudgy little face, one false move on my part and I might literally be “laid bare” for all the world to see! Gotta love kids!

Are you perfect? Probably not. Am I perfect? No way! It’s a heck of a lot easier to pull off an illusion of perfection without a couple of “mini-me’s” hanging all over you, but at the end of the day…nobody is perfect. Every time I walk out of this house with my three little ones in tow I might as well not even bother with the make-up…wrinkles, warts and never-ending blemishes come shining through! So, don’t worry about being perfect (perfection is highly over-rated) and our children will be the first in line to bring us back to reality every time.

Just a note of advice: never take two-year-old boys into public bathroom stalls without a leash or stroller.

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Posted in Motherhood | 3 Comments »

Shoe Pile…Don't Bother Me

Jul 1st, 2009 by Amy

House Rule #9: No shoes in the house.

At the bottom of our staircase lies a pile of shoes. Large shoes, small shoes, medium shoes, flip flops, sparkly shoes, crocs and sneakers.

Being the anal-retentive perfectionist that I am (confession is good for the soul), clutter is my enemy. Paper piles, clothes piles, piles of this and piles of that…piles of stuff in general unnerve and irritate me. So what to do about this little pile of shoes at the bottom of our staircase?

When it comes down to it, I am the one to blame for this unsightly collection. In my effort to keep the dirt out, I made a “house rule” that shoes are not to be worn indoors. It is my mantra as I am unloading the kids from the car, “Shoes off when you get in the house!”

The result…a pile of shoes.

I have one of two choices here: I can get frustrated about the shoe pile and whine and complain and make a big stink about it, OR I can take a step back and be grateful for it. (Grateful? Where am I going with this?) If there were no shoe pile then that could only mean my children, husband – and myself included – would not be following one of our house rules. That annoying shoe collection is evidence that we are team players, working together to keep our house clean. We are showing respect for each other and for our home when we take our shoes off at the door.

It is also a GREAT reminder of the feet that fill those shoes. Each pair represents someone who lives in this home and is a part of this family. There’s a dad, a mom, a couple of sisters and a little boy. Five people…and countless pairs of shoes! You know…I think I can let this one go. I am much more concerned about the people that wear those shoes than I am with the pile they leave. Not everything has to be perfect (gasp!), and that shoe pile won’t bother me anymore!

Posted in Random | 1 Comment »

A Good Read

Jun 26th, 2009 by Amy

During my “quiet time” this afternoon I picked up Mark Batterson’s book “In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day”, not realizing how quickly I would be sucked in. It’s not a novel or action packed fictional piece – that’s not to say it is a book lacking in adventure. In about an hour I plowed my way through the first half of the book (I could have easily kept reading, but was interrupted by a few hungry little people).

To keep this short and sweet – I have been sensing that God wants to do something new in my life, but whether it be fear of the unknown or that my attention has been divided, I haven’t understood what it is He has been whispering in my spirit. This book is challenging my perception of God, my perception of self and my perception of going through difficult times. Powerful and insightful. God is taking me on a journey right now, and I’m not quite sure what the destination is going to be. All I can say is this, I’d much rather be one who chases lions than one who is constantly running from them!

My book pick for this month: In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day, by Mark Batterson

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Battle Picking…

Jun 25th, 2009 by Amy

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Pick your battles.

Man…with three little ones I am learning how absolutely right on this advice is, and how much I need to adhere to it. Here are a few battles I have decided are not worth fighting, and in retrospect have been the best decisions I have made thus far in my parenting experience:

* Allowing my daughters to pick out their own outfits - When I broke down and finally relinquished control over what my girls were allowed to wear, or at least how they wore their outfits, mornings in my home became refreshingly sweet, calm and smooth. When they were babies and toddlers I controlled everything in their lives, down to the shoes on their feet and bows in their hair. But here they are – Sydney is 6 and Brooklyn is 4 – and of all things…they have their own opinions. Imagine that! I want my kids to learn to think for themselves, take responsibility for their decisions and learn how it feels to succeed, and sometimes fail, on their own. The simple act of deciding what they wear on their bodies is one step towards gaining confidence in themselves to make the next choice, even if it is a small one.

* Letting Jackson, my two year old son, wear his Disney Cars jammies to church (last night) – Who would have thought that a BOY would have such a strong opinion about what clothes he wore on his body! My son has five different pairs of Disney Cars jammies, and that is all he EVER wants to wear. One exception is his Cars t-shirt. Since we only have one t-shirt and five pairs of jammies, you can see that there is often a struggle to get him to wear regular clothes. When we are at home I let him wear his jammies, but when we go somewhere like church, playgroup, Bible study, etc. I kind of prefer he wear normal “going out” clothes. Getting him dressed for such occasions can sometimes be a nightmare. Yesterday evening, however, I decided this battle was NOT worth fighting. Why make him wear a t-shirt and shorts for a grand total of two hours? Who really cares anyway? Of course my mind starts churning about comments that might or might not be made. After all, I am a pastor’s wife. What will people think? I hate to admit that there are times that I really do worry about what other people think of me. Not last night – my son wore his beloved Cars jammies to church. Our whole evening was blissful. He was so happy and so proud to wear “Lightning McQueen” on his chest. There are plenty of other battles worth engaging the physical and mental energy in, but not this one…not last night.

* Quiet time activities - In a perfect world, or at least my perfect world, quiet time would mean my children sit and read, draw, colour, listen to music or watch a movie…in perfect silence. I mean, when I am having quiet time that’s what I do! Here’s what I’ve learned in my six years of parenting…children don’t know how to be 100% still and quiet. There must be some sort of chemical or hormone or biological something in their little bodies which makes refraining from talking, singing, twirling and creative play nearly impossible. Unless my children are actually sleeping, their bodies never stop engaging in activity. Still, I am a firm believer that a little down time/quiet time is needed every day (especially for me). In order for all of us to enjoy our quiet time I have lowered my expectations. Instead of forcing them to sit still and read or watch a movie, I have given them freedom to play quietly. They are allowed to talk and interact, however, when the volume gets too loud or they start running and jumping I will, and do, step in. By being more flexible on this I find that I don’t have to disengage from my own quiet time as much in order to deal with them. Let that battle go! (By the way, Jackson still takes naps…BLESSING!)

* Taking toys/books out of the house - Okay…this one was kind of a back and forth issue with me. It seemed that every time we would let the kids take a little toy to church it would somehow disappear…forever. I got tired of losing toys. In order to deal with this issue we made a new rule that toys and books were not allowed to leave the house. Then there were those “transitional” life moments that came: new class, new teacher, new friends, etc. The need for something comforting began to arise more and more. Discovering this simple need to hold on to a lovey, a small toy or even a little book began to make leaving the house in a timely fashion an actuality for us. The agreement we have on this is that they leave their toys in the car once we have arrived at our destination. If they are carrying a bag with them they are permitted to take the toy inside the school or church, but it MUST stay in the bag. So far, we have not lost a single toy or book!

Other battles I have let go of, (but don’t feel the need to elaborate on):

* How they decide to decorate their bedroom
* T.V. viewing in the morning
* Playroom clean-up – how they do it, not if they do it

Just as my children are a work in progress…SO AM I! Some of the lessons I’ve learned may be “no brainers” for most moms, but maybe there are a few others out there like me that are “late bloomers” in the area of “battle picking”. For those in the latter category, I hope my words are an encouragement to you. Choose your battles wisely, my friends…choose wisely.

Posted in Life, Motherhood | 2 Comments »

A Premature Goodbye

Jun 23rd, 2009 by Amy

Two years ago today my grandmother passed away. She was 81 years old. Nanny had shared sixty beautiful years with my grandfather, left behind a son, two granddaughters and three great-grandchildren. Her legacy was one of strength, self-sacrifice and trust in God. She had weathered the Great Depression as a child, went to work during World War II, took in my grandfather’s siblings when their mother passed away, raised her family while working full time and remained devoted to my grandfather through sickness, health, feast and famine. Still, as I sat through her funeral I couldn’t help but feel that Nanny had left us way too soon. I don’t think I would ever have been ready to let my grandmother go – there’s never a good time to say goodbye.

Today I received word that a friend of mine from high school had to say goodbye to his eight month old baby girl two days ago…on Father’s Day. I have read his blog to catch up on this saga, and I find myself sharing in this family’s grief. Oh God, how could this be? This precious baby girl, who only had eight months to share with her family, is now in the arms of her Heavenly Father. I can not even imagine the sorrow, the questions…the premature goodbye. I know that God is with them – I hear the strength in the words they write. I also know this is only the beginning of a long road through the grief and the pain.

I struggle as I write this, my mind swirling with thoughts of my friend and his family. I look at my own little brood and a flood of emotion washes over me. I want to scoop each one of my children up and squeeze them tight – how grateful I am for their health, their energy, their smiles, their cries, from the hair on their heads to their wiggly little toes…every detail. While I’m dealing with temper tantrums and sibling rivalry, my friend is dealing with the pain of never again hearing the sound of his little girl’s cry. The perspective is convicting. We may not have much – our house may be too small, our bank account sadly deficient and holding on to our sanity may be the only thing we accomplish on any given day. However, I am so thankful for all of it. I’m thankful that my home is filled with the sounds of children laughing and crying, jumping and running. This perspective, while convicting, brings me to a fresh awareness of how blessed I am. Not blessed because of any external or material thing, but I am blessed in the little things. And for these blessings, I am truly grateful.

Thinking back to my grandmother, I recall all of the experiences I was able to share with her, the conversations we had, the Christmases, the stories. Even if I think my time with her was too short, saying goodbye was filled with hundreds of memories that I can hold on to for the rest of my life. While I wasn’t prepared to say goodbye to Nanny, it was not premature. God knows how many years, days and months we will live on this earth. “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be,” Psalm 139:16. Whether we get to live eighty years, or life ends at eight months, God has ordained each one of those days. It is more difficult to understand the purpose of only eight months, but somehow God’s plan will unfold in time. In this moment I see this baby’s departure as a premature goodbye, but as time goes on I am certain God will prove me wrong. He will reveal a purpose beyond what I, or her family, could possibly comprehend.

My heartfelt prayers go out to my friend, his wife and their families today. I realize nothing I say will ease the pain of their loss. I know that God is with them. He will guide them through the grief, be a listening ear in the wee hours of the night when the pain seems most intense and hold them tightly in His grasp when they feel they are falling apart. Like I said at the beginning, there’s never a good time to say goodbye, however I would imagine a premature goodbye would be the most difficult one to say.

In conclusion: I will keep praying for my friend. And as I pray for this family, I will continue thanking God for each moment, day and year that I am so blessed to share with my own family. For God has ordained each one of our days, and I want to cherish each one, no matter how few or how many we get to experience together.

Posted in Faith, Life | 2 Comments »

Mother Of The Year

May 13th, 2009 by Amy

Just pin a badge on me and call me “Mother of the Year!” :) I received, by far, one of the best compliments I could receive – as a mom – this morning. Here’s what happened:

My 4-year-old daughter, Brooklyn, has ballet class on Wednesday mornings. At her dance school there is a small waiting room where the moms can sit and wait while their little ones are in class. Because Brooklyn’s class is thirty minutes long I try to bring snacks for Jackson and something for him to play with. Most of the time he just wants to run around and find the very thing he is not supposed to get into and, of course, get into it. I get a thirty-minute workout every week while I “wait” for Brooklyn’s class to be over. Not only is Jackson busy, but also he is two years old. (Do I really need to elaborate on that? – I think we are all familiar with the challenges of keeping a 2 year old contained in a small space! :)

So this morning, I had a minute to sit down while my precious son had found some blocks to play with for a minute or two. As I took a brief break, one of the other moms with whom we share the waiting room, said to me, “Wow! You are so patient with him!” I let out a deep sigh and simply said, “Thank you.” I didn’t have time to talk any further as Jackson was – at that very moment – turning the light switch off in the room.

As I spent the rest of the class time – trying earnestly to keep Jackson distracted from all of the “no, no’s” – I did so with a new sense of confidence. Maybe you are like me, in that, most of the time I am so absorbed in the present moment with my kids – keeping them safe, guiding them, meeting their needs, setting boundaries – that I often times forget that people are watching me. I get so wrapped up in just trying to survive some of these more challenging moments that the rest of the world disappears around me. I don’t really see myself as being patient with my kids. In fact, I pray daily…sometimes minute-by-minute, for patience and grace to handle all the “stuff” my kids bring my way. I usually feel like I am failing at it.

Then, this morning, that sweet mom in the waiting room made a personal observation, and the rest of my day was made! I know I don’t always handle things so well, and I’ve messed up in public before. However, today I feel like “Mother of the Year”.

Galatians 5:22 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

I want my life to be a reflection of God, and when I exhibit – even in it’s most raw form – one of the fruits of the Spirit, I find myself encouraged. Progress is being made. I feel infused with strength and energy, and I am ready to tackle both the little things and the big things. (Even as I write this Jackson is pulling stuffing out of one of the playroom pillows – God is growing patience in me for sure!)

I will conclude with this thought (if I try to drag this out any longer I’m afraid I may have no throw pillow left): I honestly don’t expect to get a “Mother of the Year” badge or anything like that. I’m not looking for one. The reason I even feel worthy of an award today is because I exhibited patience while dealing with my busy two-year-old, to the point that someone noticed. Do I do it to be noticed? No. However, I am encouraged that patience was flowing through me when I needed it the most, and I bore the reflection of Christ to a group of moms who may have no idea who Christ is, as well as to my energetic and curious two-year-old boy. Mission accomplished…for today!

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Mother’s Day

May 10th, 2009 by Amy

My mom was in the hospital this week due to fever, extreme dehydration and asthma. Fortunately the doctors were able to get everything under control and send her home in good condition. In fact, when I spoke with my mom yesterday she was already talking about preparations she and my dad are making for a seminar they are speaking at next weekend! I’m so grateful that her sickness didn’t become something more serious and that she is quickly getting back to her normal self.

Still, this incident with my mom really made me stop and think about “moms” and “motherhood”. I thought a lot about my own mom in particular. She is my mentor, friend, confidant and hero. I find myself, as an adult, deeply desiring to become more and more like her. Growing up my mom always had a way of turning a seemingly tragic situation into something we could laugh about. For example, when I was in sixth grade my eyes were closed in my yearbook picture. I came home from school the day we received our picture packets mortified and certain I could never show my face to my classmates – or anyone at school, for that matter – ever again. Instead of taking pity on me, and wallowing with me in my sorrow, my mom lovingly convinced me that this was not the end of the world and that we could most certainly find a way to laugh away the embarrassment. She was right, and we did. In fact, my mom has the best sense of humor – far surpassing that of, just about, anyone I know. When I think things can’t get any worse, or I find myself sinking deeper and deeper into the pit of despair, I simply ask myself, “What would Mom do?”

As I look at my own children – all three of them – I often wonder, “What will they say about me when they are grown?” Will they remember how I was able to find the silver lining in the difficult situations, or will I be known for shriveling up or cowering in fear when life gets tough? Will they remember me as a model of not taking myself too seriously, or will they always see me as someone who doesn’t laugh enough?

Proverbs 31:25 says: “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” (How I long to be like that!) A little further on in that chapter it says in verse 28, “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.” Can you imagine being a woman who not only walks with strength, dignity and a darn good sense of humour, but one whose husband and children honour her with praise and respect? It may seem like a dream too far out of reach, but I believe it is a challenge worth investing my heart and soul into.

I know I have a long way to go before I become anything remotely as great as my mom – or the Proverbs 31 woman – but I have a wonderful role model who encourages me to keep up the good work. Being a mom is a tough job, but my hope is that I may be able to face the ups and downs – and sometimes the “sideways” – with strength, dignity and a great sense of humour!

Posted in Motherhood | 2 Comments »

Mood Swings (From MomsConnect March 2009)

May 5th, 2009 by Amy

I was out and about this morning, taking Brooklyn to ballet class, running a few errands, and I could not believe how many times the weather changed in a few short hours! One minute it was raining, the next minute the sun popped out…then the wind…back to the rain…and then the sky turned blue accompanied by showers. It’s like the weather has multiple personality disorder!

Honestly, I think there are days when I can relate to today’s weather. One minute I’m crying and feeling blue, the next minute I’m filled with sunshine and happiness…then someone starts throwing a temper tantrum and it feels like a strong wind is blowing through the house…which brings us back to the tears again!

I can’t tell you how grateful I am that God is steady and consistent during my mood swings and regardless of which way the wind blows, or whether or not the sun is shining. God is faithful. Days like this are a reminder to me that I cannot rely on my own strength, or even solely on others, to raise my children and be the best wife I can be. I need God to shine the light on my path when the clouds come, hold me steady when the wind blows and cover me with His umbrella of peace when the rain begins to pour. So, if the sun is shining in this moment today, be grateful for it and enjoy it! If you are reading this and the rain is coming down and the sky is gray, remember that blue skies are just around the corner!

Posted in Faith | 1 Comment »

My “Ah-Ha” Moment

Apr 29th, 2009 by Amy

“Children are not things to be molded, but people to be unfolded.” – Unknown

I had an “ah-ha” moment this week.

My husband and I are taking a parenting class. Part of our homework was to take a behavior assessment, and then do a simplified one for each of our children. There are four main temperaments: The “Doer” – takes charge, doesn’t believe in the word ‘no’, strong-willed, intense; the “Expressive” – talkative, demonstrative, energetic, social, ‘life of the party’; the “Relater” – warm, caring, laid back, sensitive to the needs of others; and the “Thinker” – analytical, processing, reserved, thoughtful, introspective.

Here are the results we found in our family:

Dad – High “Doer” and “Expressive”
Mom – High “Relater” and “Thinker”
Child #1 – “Doer”/”Expressive”
Child #2 – “Expressive/”Relater”
Child #3 – “Doer”/”Thinker”

Three out of five in my family are “doers”, one is highly “expressive”, and then there is me. The relater. The thinker. The temperament that craves peace, tranquility and calm, rational thought and step-by-step process. If I were to describe my family in three words they would be: “DRAMA”, “INTENSITY” and “PASSION”. Do you see where I might feel a little like a duck out of water?

Here is my “ah-ha” moment.

I have often felt discouraged and much frustration as a parent because I can’t seem to keep my home quiet and calm, and my children soft-spoken and reserved. When I am out with my three little ones there is much bustle and energy, noise and opinions. For a long time I have believed that somewhere along the way I messed up – that I haven’t been training and leading them adequately – and, therefore, something must be wrong with ME. Then we did this behavior assessment. My perspective has completely changed. I came to the realization that with the temperaments represented in my home, there will always be commotion, noise, energy, passion, drama, excitement, talking, expressive story-telling, and intense outbursts of feeling and emotion. My home will NEVER be sedate. My home will always be ALIVE. You’ve heard, “The hills are alive, with the sound of music…” Well, my home is alive with sound of Slaters.

And that’s okay. Realizing this has helped me look at my children, and even my husband, in a new light. Instead of molding them into a shape or design that suits me – or even the perceived expectations of others – my challenge as their mother is to unfold what God has ordained and woven together in my womb, with His guidance and help. It’s not about letting them go wild and unruly – that would be irresponsible. It’s about discovering them, learning them, nurturing their strengths and applying godly instruction to make them into the people that God designed them to be.

In conclusion, God blessed me with these little ones. He has given me everything I need to train them up, guide them and discover all the beauty and potential that lies within them – unfolding, not molding.

Posted in Life, Motherhood | 3 Comments »

Book-ation

Apr 27th, 2009 by Amy

Book-ation: def. – to take a break/hiatus from routine reading habits – books, articles, etc. – replacing them with literature not ordinarily read.

 

I’m on a “book-ation”.

 

Usually what one might find on my nightstand are books covering a myriad of topics like parenting, spiritual development/disciplines, marriage, counseling, Bible study, etc.   While I was wasting a few minutes (hours) on facebook, I came across a “note”.   In this particular “note” was a list of 100 classic pieces of literature.   The instructions were to put an “X” next to the books that one has read.   As I surveyed the list of classic lit. I realized, to my chagrin, I had only read about 24 books out of 100.   I felt so…so…illiterate!   Since being out of school (which was the only reason I read any of those 24 – well, maybe it was more like 15…or 10…my memory is getting a little fuzzy on the details – books was because I had to for English Lit. class), I realized there is an entire part of my brain that is not getting any exercise what-so-ever.   I call this the really, really intellectual part (I know, I can’t believe I came up with that all by myself either).   Not to say that what I read now is for dummies.   It simply doesn’t challenge me intellectually.   The reading I do these days challenges me in ministry, home, marriage, spiritual growth, etc.   However, intellectually?   Not so much.

 

So, after perusing through the “100 classic books” list, I made the decision that I am going to take a “book-ation”.   My first victim: “Anna Karenina”, by Leo Tolstoy.   In high school just the name Tolstoy made me shiver with fear and intimidation.   I’m older now and decided to take the plunge.   For however long it takes me to complete this novel (hopefully I can knock it out in under a year), I am putting all other extra-curricular reading on hold.   (There are a few books/articles I am committed to read, anything additional is staying on the shelf until I complete “Anna Karenina”.)   This is my “book-ation”.

 

Once completed, I’ll be sure to write up a review.

Posted in Books | 3 Comments »

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